


you're probably wondering how we got here

by 10redplums



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical spiders, Gen, what is the point of having dwarves if not to mess with gender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23228794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10redplums/pseuds/10redplums
Summary: Sam reflects on the events immediately leading up to their nearly getting killed by ash zombies, giant spiders, and a young dragon one after the other.(borrows story elements from TAZ: Balance but not set there.)
Kudos: 3





	1. A deal

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the lost mines of phandelver module but right before we were set to diverge, so there will be some familiar segments. There will also be three names/concepts (as far as I can remember) that will be familiar to fans of TAZ:Balance but think of them as AU versions of themselves.

“WELCOME, WELCOME,” the person inside the wagon says, in a carrying voice. “WHAT CAN I DO YOU FOR?” Sam cringes back, at the volume, but Oliver steps forward and holds up the longsword. The merchant is a catfolk of middling height, with orange fur that’s graying in places.

“Hi, can we have this appraised?” he says, and the merchant leans forward with a broad grin. He looks over the sword, humming to himself. “Does this sword have a name?”

“I’m selling these rings,” Vista says, holding a pair of signet rings up. The gold and platinum sparkle in the light, and Sam holds back a sigh.

“Garfield accepts all types of deals and bargains!” The merchant, presumably Garfield, says. “Let’s see if you can counter my mercantile wits with your persuasive abilities.” He runs a hand over the blade of Oliver’s sword. “This is called the Black Halk, if I remember correctly. You should go read a history book!

“Gold rings aren’t my thing,” he says, looking at Vista’s rings. “But I’d be willing to buy that platinum signet ring for seventy gold pieces! Might I also interest you in checking our selection of rings?” He looks at Sam, as Vista looks over the display. Sam fidgets, and busies themself with their bag. “Actually, may I see the gold ring as well?” He hums, and snaps his fingers. “I should be able to enchant this no problem? Give it to me for twenty gold pieces!”

“I’ll think about it,” Vista says, smiling at him, and he smiles back. Oliver comes back up and scatters a handful of malachite on his counter.

“How much would you give me for these?”

“Seven gold apiece! They’re not too useful in my work, but I do love some gems.”

“Nine apiece,” Oliver says, leaning forward. Garfield matches him, eyes glittering. “You have no idea what I’ve gone through just to get these gems.”

“Nope, no can do,” Garfield says, grinning at him. “I know adventurers. How about eight? Look at that! I’m meeting you in the middle.”

“Fine, you’ve got yourself a deal.” Vista puts a delicate hand on the counter.

“Do you have a bag of holding?” She says, and Garfield’s grin widens. Sam didn’t know it could get bigger.

“Yes! We do have a bag of ho-” he looks back, and then back at them. “Oh. A young man passed by this morning and bought it! A pleasant human, he was, bought some magic items too! Said he was looking for Cragmaw Castle! Didn’t tell me his name, though.”

“I’ll take an Elven chain, then,” she says, and Oliver asks for one too. Various items change hands, and Garfield turns his grin to Auan and Sam.

“Would you also like to look at my wares and goodies?” he says, and Sam steps closer to Auan, and Auan pats Sam on the shoulder and gives them a little nudge. They look at him, and he nods, and they turn to Garfield. 

“I- have some weapons I’m not using,” Sam says, putting a longsword and a shortsword on the table. They’re still a little charred.

“Oooo!” Sam barely stops from stepping back. “Have these weapons seen battle?”

“They’ve seen some shenanigans, I know that,” Sam says, shrugging. “And. Does nearly dying in a burning room count? With skeletons? I got these from bandits.”

“That’s  _ interesting _ ,” Garfield says, looking at Sam. His hand flicks out, turning their head to face him, and they take a step back out of his reach.

“Wow, at least take me out to dinner first,” Sam says, laughing nervously. He squints at them, and then laughs too.

“The only thing I’m interested in is your gold!”

“Thanks, same.”

“And earning money from adventurers such as yourself! You have so much potential! Here’s my bargain,” he says, leaning forward again, and Sam reluctantly drags their gaze to a point over his shoulder. “I’ll buy these two items for thirty gold pieces! But you have to give me a drop of your blood.”

“That’s three dates.”

“You mean you’ll give me a drop of your blood three times?” he says, grin almost splitting his face.

“Shit, uh-”

“DEAL!”

“This is the worst deal.”

“I’ll make it worth your while,” he says. “I’ll even buy you dinner! Three times! All you can eat! That’s more than fair, I would think. Do we have a deal?”

“Thirty- _ five _ gold,” Sam says. “And. Three dinner dates, apparently,” they add, in an undertone. “For the swords, and three drops of blood. AND you get the blood after the dates.” They yelp, as Oliver swings his sword a little too close for comfort.

“Deal!!” They shake on it, and more things change hands, and Sam pulls back with a falling-out breath. Vista points to various things.

“I can’t afford all of these at once… Can I have a discount? I have eight hundred and this spider box,” she says, holding the latter up and giving him a winning smile. Garfield gives her a winning smile back, and looks over the things.

“Alright! As a special bargain,” he says. “And since you remind me a lot of myself when I was younger, have this jar of bees!” Vista cheers, thanks him, and takes the jar. Garfield spots Sam eyeing an accessory labeled  _ phantom fist _ and leans forward, putting his chin on his hands.

“How does this work?” Sam says, pointing. “Can I use it like a separate hand? Or does it just kind of- augment my fighting skill while hanging limply from my belt?”

“It’s a bracelet that you wear on your arm!”

“Does it work if I wear it anywhere else?”

“Well, if you wear it on your ankle...” he waggles his eyebrows, and Sam nods. Vista, idly, snaps her fingers and makes a shower of sparks appear. “You can do whatever you want with it, so long as you have the gold!

“Amazing,” Sam says, moving back again and nodding at him. “Alright, thanks. I’ll keep that in mind for when I have more gold and sparks aren’t randomly appearing around me.”

“Alright! See you folks next time,” he says, as they say their various goodbyes. “Wait! Before I forget, what are your names?”

“I’m Vista Greenwood!”

“Oliver Toni.”

“An’ar Teja Na’Ita,” Auan says, bowing. “You may call me Auan.”

Sam, spent, sticks close to Auan and flashes their hands through the first segments of their name. “Samson.”

“Nice to meet you all!” He raises an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugs and gives him a short half-bow. “Well, I’ll be here tomorrow! Please come back for more deals and items. Tell your friends!”

“It’s nice to meet you too!” Vista waves at them, and they leave. “Bye, Mister Garfield! I’ll be sure to check out your stuff tomorrow!”

“And I’ll see  _ you _ tomorrow, young master dwarf! I’ll make it worth your while!” He calls after them, and Sam nods and ducks their head.

Vista locks herself in the room Sister Garaele shows her to, for an hour, and then emerges briefly for dinner and then locks herself in again. Sam rooms with Auan and his new friend Bjorn, and Oliver is there too; Sam watches them talk, fiddling with a puzzle box, as they slowly unclench from the day. They spend a while rubbing their thumbs over the glossy wood, when Auan turns the light out, thinking about Garfield and their blood.


	2. A date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was easier in the google doc, where I could just highlight words in black, but this is fun too.

They use the soap that smells of orange blossoms, that morning. Auan takes a deep breath, when he passes by, and gives them a thumbs-up. He’s going out with Oliver and Bjorn, for a little while. Sam stalls, for a moment, before putting on the less faded, less threadbare robes. 

Breakfast comes and goes. The lent room empties, and Sam sits there polishing their arm and then pacing, and then there’s a knock.

“HELLO!” He said dinner. He’s early. Sam breathes deeply and walks in a circle around the room.

“Good morning,” they hear Vista say. 

“I’M HERE TO FULFILL- Oh! Forgive me for shouting!” He’s chatting with Vista, anyway. Sam checks over their things, touching each item and naming them. “I’m here to fulfill my end of the deal I made with your dwarf friend! I heard from the villagers that you’re taking refuge in the temple, and that’s why I’m here!”

“Too early,” Sam says, coming out. Garfield whips around, grinning. “Okay. I’m here. Where to, o venerable merchant.”

“Have fun!” Vista says, and shuts her door. 

“Well, shall we?” Garfield says, smiling at them, and Sam gives him a deep nod.

Garfield takes them back to his wagon, and Sam Does Not Hesitate at the door, and he glances at them.

“Welcome to my portable fantasy costco! Come in, come in, no need to worry,” he says, opening the door.

“Amazing,” they say, ducking their head and going inside. Garfield shuts the door, and they look around. There are shelves, and display cases, and a large chair. He takes them to another room with a large mirror, which feels like they’re moving very fast. There are boxes neatly stacked, and a sitting area, and a doorway that leads to a kitchen. They watch him shake out a handkerchief through the corner of their eye, and they watch his back and try very hard to not even get a glimpse of their reflection. The mirror ripples, and clears, and Garfield steps aside to show them the view. 

The mirror opens to an alleyway; the sunlight is weak wherever that is and there’s a little puddle on the ground. They look at him and he gestures _after you_ , and they step closer to the mirror. 

Their hand goes through; there’s not even a ripple or anything to indicate they’ve passed through anything. It’s like sticking their hand through the window. They look at him again, and he nods and gives them a bright grin.

“I’ve already picked out a place!” he says. “Their food is wonderful; I visited them a lot back when I- well, you don’t want to hear my life story. Go on, go on!” They nod at him again, and step through the mirror.

The air is crisp, the sky is steel-gray, and the alley only smells a little. They look back; Garfield follows them through and disguises the portal. He offers them his arm, and they blush and take it.

He leads them through tall buildings and busy streets to a little restaurant with large glass windows and little tables outside. There are flowers in the boxes, of varieties Sam doesn’t recognize but are a lovely shade of yellow. A human in a red waistcoat greets them at the door.

“Hello!” Sam Does Not Wince, and Garfield clears his throat. “We’d like to get a table for two, please,” he says, at a more reasonable volume. They’re guided to a table with a little candle in a glass, and Garfield holds Sam’s chair out for them, and he grins at them and they realize they’re staring. The same human comes back with menus.

“This is… quite the place, Garfield,” Sam says. “They’ve got nice taste in music.” He smiles at them again and nods, and orders fish-and-olive spaghetti. Sam stiffly asks for the fish chowder in a bread bowl.

“No wine?” Sam shakes their head. “You should try the juice, then; it’s always fresh.” Sam blushes again and looks up at the waiter, who is smiling, and asks for juice. They leave after lighting the candle, when the two don’t order anything else.

They sit there, for a while. Sam plays with their fingers. They tell Garfield, when he asks, about the burning building, the skeletons, and the shenanigans. He laughs and then covers his mouth with an apology when Sam tells him about Egghead using them as a battering ram and then throwing them to the ground like a sport ball.

Sam twirls their spoon in their fingers.

“Should we enjoy the atmosphere for now,” they say, “or can I cut to the chase and- and ask you what you’re going to use my blood for?” He smiles at them, putting his chin on one hand.

“Truth be told, I think you have a very nice physique!”

Sam goes very still and Does Not Leave The Restaurant.

“Very, very good! Strong and quick! Quite agile, from what I’ve seen.” Not getting beheaded by Oliver yesterday, presumably. Although Sam does have a nice bicep. Nice shoulders. The arm ring helps. “Let’s just say I need it for my little project!”

“What kind of project?” Sam says, in an attempt to be a good date. “You seem like a- like someone with some interesting things going on, and- and something that involves my. Uh. Nice physique.” 

They stop at this and put their hands on the table to keep from covering their face.

“And blood. And my blood. This is going to be something for the books.” Garfield’s smile doesn’t waver at all, but he puts his hand down.

“Thank you for thinking so,” he says. “It’s flattering to know you think so highly of me. I need your blood for-”

His mouth moves, and Sam’s vision blurs, and his words dissolve into static, and he keeps talking.

“So I’ll be able to-” static. “And hopefully that’s enough to stop the-” more static, and more static. He talks with his hands as much as his mouth, and Sam frowns a little but says nothing. The waiter arrives with their food, and Garfield stops talking and thanks them, and Sam samples the juice. It really is very good.

The soup is wonderful and creamy and thick, with potatoes and bacon keeping the fish company. The bread they took out is set aside, and there’s a second, ordinary, bowl of soup because the bread bowl isn’t that big, Sam supposes. 

“Okay,” they say. He swallows his own pasta and looks at them, blinking. “You explained about the blood, sort of, but why the physique?” They look down at their soup and stir it a little. “I’m in a party of adventurers. You could’ve had your pick of any of them, probably. Auan, in particular, I’ve seen progress rapidly under the master of staves.”

“Hmm!” He puts his chin on his hand again, considering them. “I’m not too sure, as well!” Oh. “I must say, though, you completely caught me off guard!” Sam laughs. “I did not expect to be on a date, today, but Garfield doesn’t go back on his deals and bargains! No one can best my mercantile wits!”

The band in the corner shifts to something slow and tinkling that heavily features the pianoforte. He listens as Sam tells him more about training at the monastery, and smiles at them when they come back with more soup.

“I was wondering,” Garfield says, as Sam dunks their bread, “were you able to understand my words, earlier? When I said I need your blood for-” more static, which is just rude.

“There was a lot of noise,” Sam says. “The band, for instance. I- I wasn’t able to get parts of them. There’s something you need to stop?” Garfield chews his spaghetti and motions at Sam’s own soup, and they- they blink at him and do some math. “... Would you like to try it?” they say, holding out a spoonful. “... It’s nice. This is- nice. Things considered.”

Garfield fluffs up, and then swallows his food and shakes his head. “I meant you should make the most out of the date! All you can eat, remember?” 

Sam blushes to their ears and ducks their head. 

“Ah. Yes,” they say. “I meant it when I said it was good,” they tell Garfield, feeling the silly urge to explain themself.

“Hmm!” He waves his fork a little and offers them an olive, which they take. “I heard something in town, actually. That you’ve met with Gundren Rockseeker!” Weird, but. A fair line of questioning.

“He- He hired us to deliver some goods. Do you know him?”

“I know _of_ Gundren Rockseeker, but he probably doesn’t know me! I know of him by name and by his… Mission, I guess you can say.” He flags down a waiter and asks for a menu, glancing at Sam. “Dessert?” Sam makes a surprised noise in their throat and finishes their bread. “They have some really good red velvet cheesecake!” Sam laughs, and he orders two slices.

“Can you tell me more about his… mission?” Sam says, trying to mimic his significant pause. Garfield looks at them, and taps his chin.

“Well, let me ask you this first! Are you here for the ~~Phoenix Fire Gauntlet~~?” Great.

“I’m- sorry? What?”

Garfield leans in, eyes gleaming. “Are you helping Gundren to get the ~~Phoenix Fire Gauntlet~~?” Sam looks at him, and he leans back. The waiter arrives and puts down two slices of cake. They look at them, tilt their head, and leave.

“He only hired us to escort some goods,” Sam says. “Nothing very interesting.” Garfield nods and slices off a bit of cake, and gestures for Sam to try theirs.

The cake is nice. There’s a little fruit on top, and Sam takes the moment to unfocus and just enjoy the dessert. 

“Since you’ve been nothing but honest with me,” Garfield says, putting his fork down, “I’ll return the favor. I don’t really think I can trust you yet though!” Sam nods, and bites their fork tines gently. “Maybe on our next date!” They make a surprised choking noise. They’d forgotten about the other two dates.

“Okay,” they say. “Looking forward to it.” He smiles and nods at them, and eats some more of his cake.

“I guess it won’t be… weird, telling you this fact,” he adds. The taste of the cake is growing on them. “I’m after the thing Gundren is looking for. I hear it’s a delectable prize!”

“You don’t know what it is, exactly?” He frowns a little, and- encourages them to try a different cake. 

“The ~~rogue reclaimer~~ didn’t really tell me what I would find,” he says, and they wonder if they should tell him he’s using words they can’t hear again, (and they wonder if it’s just their hearing or if he’s doing something with his mouth that’s making this happen, because many words in their life have gone unheard because of outside noise) “but they said that this ~~Grand Relic~~ should-” and the rest of his words dissolve into static, and he pauses when Sam orders a slice of lemon cake. Sam thanks the waiter.

They offer him a taste, which he eats off their fork, and he compliments their choice. They don’t know what to do with their fork now. Maybe they can eat with their spoon. They can wipe it? Would that be rude?

“Since I’m being honest about future plans, and everything,” he says, “Let’s just say I have a special item that will need, hmm, at least two drops of blood.” He puts his chin on his hands and sparkles at them.

“Ah,” Sam says, swallowing their piece of cake. “You’ll get your blood, don’t worry.”

“Thank you! I wouldn’t want to get it by force,” he says, laughing. “That would be unsightly.” Sam nods at him and pushes the plate across to him, and he takes a piece.

“I take deals seriously too, ah,” they say. “Don’t worry.”

He smiles at them and nods, sitting back, and then bites his lip. He looks unsure, suddenly.

“How’s the food, by the way?” he says, looking at them. “I’m afraid I might have been a bad date. As I’ve said, I don’t usually go out on dates at all.”

He scratches his chin, as they look at him. This- it matters to him? He starts to fidget, and they realize they’ve been staring for too long.

“I- I haven’t been on many dates either,” they say, reaching across the table almost to touch his hand, but stopping just before. “But this was- was great.” They give him a shy grin, and laugh. “You’ve set the bar pretty high, mister merchant.”

His fur fluffs up again, but he laughs. “That’s nice to hear! Thank you, too. Now, then, shall I take you back to your friends?” Sam nods, and he calls for a waiter and pays for the meal. Sam rubs the back of their neck. “I can take you back to Phandalin. No worries!”

“Yes, we should- yes, thank you,” they say. 

Garfield holds the door for them, when they step back out.

There’s a person with their hood up, waiting outside. Their eyes glow in the shadow, when they step towards them.


	3. An altercation

There’s a person with their hood up, waiting outside. Their eyes glow in the shadow, when they step towards them.

“Oh, no,” Garfield says, stepping back.

“There you are,” the person says. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you, you know.”

“But- but I’m only interested in deals and bargains! You must have the wrong cat!” Garfield takes a step back, and Sam takes a step forward and puts themself between Garfield and the person, and the person looks at Sam and glares.

They pull a bracer out of a satchel and step closer. “You should wear this, Garfield,” they say, and that isn’t ominous at all. Sam moves Garfield behind them and the person’s expression grows increasingly irritated.

“Look, I don’t know what your beef with him is, but we can probably resolve this without-” pulling out pieces of armor, Sam is about to say, but the person  _ lunges  _ at them, and Garfield grabs their hand and  _ runs. _

“Hurry, hurry!” Garfield pulls them along, never letting go of their hand. The person is still chasing them, when Sam looks behind.

“FUCKING  _ STOP,  _ YOU JERK, YOU CAN’T RUN FROM  ~~ RECLAIMERS ~~ -” from even more static. Great. But Garfield screams, and then he whirls and shouts  _ something _ that makes Sam’s teeth tingle, and there’s a horrible ripping noise; Their hunter screams, behind them.

A mass of something black and writhing has erupted, behind them, and Sam doesn’t have any more time to gawk because Garfield has grabbed their hand again and is dragging them along. 

He ushers them back into the alley they’d come from, looking around for the portal, and a young human emerges from the shadows in front of them and crosses their arms. Their golden hair shines, as they move, and Sam wonders how they could have missed that. There’s a thump, behind them, as another, much larger, young human drops and lands on heavy booted feet, and rises to their full height.

The bigger one behind them clicks their tongue but grins at them. “Garfield, running away?” they say, in a baritone that pours fire down Sam’s spine. “You’re part of  ~~ the bureau ~~ _ , _ you should at least take some responsibility.”

“Garfield, you really know how to show a monk a good time,” Sam murmurs, as they turn from the big one to the slender one.

“Sorry about that, Garfield,” the smaller one says, frowning. “I had to get rid of the portal.” 

Garfield whirls, his tail a bottlebrush, trying to keep the two of them in his vision as they move closer. “Eee! I’m not interested!!” His ears are flat against his head, and Sam scowls at the larger one as they hold their hand out.

“And you are?” they say, a gentle smile on their face, as if they’d just come across Sam and Garfield in the park. 

“Just a monk on a date,” Sam says, drawing their sword but leaving it down. No time to put away their glasses. No time to lock their arm. The big one tracks the motion of Sam’s sword, their eyes narrowing, but their smile doesn’t shift. There’s a clatter, and a scream of frustration, and the first person with the glowing eyes joins them. They’re bruised, from whatever Garfield had done, and when the big person turns and sees that a flash of rage crosses their face before the charming grin is back up.

“UGH, did you really have to-” they stop, taking in the sight of Sam holding a sword. 

“We don’t have to fight,” Sam says, securing their grip. Garfield puts a hand on their arm, and they glance over their shoulder at him. His face has turned serious, and he sighs.

“It’s okay,” he says. “Sheathe your sword.” 

“These guys are freaking you out and ‘ _ it’s okay’??? _ ”

“You caught me!” he steps forward, turning back and forth to keep watching everyone. “What do you rascals want?”

“WELL, I OUGHTA-” The larger one puts a hand on their shoulder.

“Introduce yourselves for the benefit of my friend, here!”

“WHY DID YOU EVEN ATTACK ME? LET ME GO, IAN.”

Ian, presumably, laughs and tightens his grip on the first person’s shoulder. “Nope, never. Keep yourself in check, buddy.”

“I’m Eilvyre,” the slender one says, and Sam turns to them. “But most people call me Vy.” To Garfield, they say, “Why did you attack Tryn like that? You should know by now that we travel together?”

“Nice meeting all of you?” Sam says, putting themself between Garfield and the two on one side.

“Nice to... meet you, I guess?” Tryn, presumably, says. They stop struggling against Ian and lower their hood, showing off short black hair and large ears. 

“Now that we all know each other,” Sam says, “would you mind explaining what’s going on?” Garfield is looking at them, his brow furrowed and his tail tucked in.

“I didn’t want to get involved in your shenanigans,” Garfield says, to Vy. “I think I’ve almost found the  ~~ Gauntlet ~~ _. _ ”

“That’s  _ horseshit, _ ” Tryn says, and Ian laughs. Vy frowns at them.

“Oh, dear,” they say. “Um. Are you sure you should say that word when...” They gesture at Sam, which is just terrible. They’re nearly forty-two! They can hear cursing if they want to!

“Oh! They have no idea what it is,” Garfield says. “The  ~~ void fish ~~ is doing its job well!”

“Garfield, what the heck,” Sam mutters, but. It hurts, a little. To not be able to hear what these four seem to be able to. 

Obviously, Garfield had secrets, but. They hadn’t expected it to be shoved in their face like this.

Ian lets Tryn go, and Tryn rubs their shoulders and grumbles. Ian steps closer to Sam, probably two heads taller than them and much bulkier, and offers their hand again. They’re wearing the same bracer Tryn was brandishing at Garfield earlier. Sam schools their expression back to neutrality. If this person asks why they’re sad it’ll be the last straw.

“My name is Ian Shieldheart! It’s nice to meet you,” they say. Tryn peeks around them.

“Nice to meet you too,” Sam says, taking their hand. Their hand is firm and calloused, and their grip is strong.

“This guy behind me is Tryn,” Ian says. “No last name.”

“It wasn’t so nice meeting them-”

“Him.”

“Him. But… circumstances. Can we take this outside?”

“We’re already outside?” Vy says. “In an alleyway?”

“Out of the alley.” Sam sheathes their sword. “It’s pretty small, and that’s coming from me.”

“We got a job,” Tryn says, to Garfield, and then huffs and looks around. “Guess he can cast his magic portal thing back. If we’re going with him. Don’t think it’s safe to discuss any of this out here, anyway.”

Ian sidesteps Sam and pulls Garfield’s arm from their shoulder. “Gotta make sure you don’t leave without us, right?” they say, smiling again. It doesn’t reach their eyes, and it sends a chill up Sam’s spine, but they get between Ian and Garfield again anyway, and they bare their teeth at Ian.

“Garfield! If you would please?”

“Calm down, children! No need to fight,” Garfield says at the same time as Vy. 

“They could be a bit more gentle, Garfield!”

“He can be more gentle than you think,” Garfield says, as he roots through his bag, and adds in an undertone, “Well, actually, I can probably defeat all four of you with just one spell each, whoopdiedoo, so easy...” He takes out a shimmering purple rag.

Ian grins back at Sam, and they feel their snarl twist some more.

“Don’t  _ do _ that!” Tryn says, getting in Sam’s face, and Ian laughs.

“I like you!” he says.

“Tryn, please calm down.”

“I’m calm!! Tell  _ them _ to calm down!!” Ian pats Tryn on the shoulder, and Tryn huffs and steps back. Garfield taps Ian’s hand.

“I need my arm back, please?” Garfield says, and Ian laughs again and lets go. He steps back, patting Sam on the shoulder, and they hear Vy breathe out. Sam unclenches their fists.

Garfield moves to the alley wall, and Tryn moves to stand between Ian and Vy. Garfield goes to the wall and makes wiping motions. It gets cleaner and cleaner as he passes, and on the fourth pass the section of wall disappears entirely and instead shows the wall they see the storage room they’d left through. Garfield gets a foot through before he’s stopped by Ian’s large hand on his shoulder and pulled back. Ian gives him what he probably thinks is a charming grin. Tryn goes through the portal first, looking around.

“We wouldn’t want to have you leave us again,” he says. “Sorry.”

“All clear!” Vy follows him in, turning in a circle with a smile on their face. Ian pats them on the shoulder again.

“You should go next,” he says.

Sam looks at Garfield and almost reaches for his hand, and he shrugs and smiles at them.

“I’m just- I don’t want to leave without you,” they say. They hear a loud theatrical sigh behind then and blush to their ears, but they don’t change their expression. They know how that sounded. “Can’t we go at the same time?”

“Go on ahead,” Garfield says. “I’ve had my fair share of altercations with Ian. He’s very… forceful, I guess you can say.” Ian grins at them, when their eyes flick up. “I’ll follow after.”

“Actually, you can just use one spell on me and I’d be knocked out, right?” Ian says, laughing.

“If I do that, Tryn will have my head.” 

Ian rolls his eyes, grabs Sam and spins them around, and shoves both of them through the portal. Vy catches them, as they stumble through. Ian follows them, punching the air.

“Yeah! Garfield didn’t run from us this time!”

Tryn is already looking into the sitting area, eyes darting around. “Hey ho, Garfield,” he says. “We’re safe to talk here, right?” He flinches, when Garfield puts a hand on his back, but lets himself be pushed through.

“Yes, yes, this way,” he says. “We can talk over here. Come here, you two,” he adds, gesturing at Vy and Ian. He presses a hand to Sam’s shoulder and laughs nervously, as they try to follow. “Wait here, please.

“Sorry for the turnout of that date,” he says, when the trio have gone through. “I really do appreciate all that you’ve done. You made me feel like I actually had a friend!”

Sam frowns, a little, and he pats them on the cheek. “The date was fine,” they say, rubbing their arm. “Hey, um.”

“Yes??”

“Do you… want to collect on the blood thing now?” They glance at him; his ears have flattened back again. They look at doorway Ian, Tryn, and Vy went through, flicking their eyes back at him. “I mean, if something happens out there you’ll probably be able to get all the blood you want from me, since… aha. Haha.” They clear their throat. Tryn peeks around the doorway.

“Hey, both of you,” he says. “What are you even doing?”

“Finalizing a transaction!”

Tryn sends a look at Garfield’s back, blinks at Sam, and shrugs. “Okay, then?”

There’s a little murmuring from the other room.

_ “Tryn, what the hell, give them some space.” _

_ “That’s right! They were on a date!” _

Sam’s ears turn red. Tryn looks back into the room, and then back at Sam and Garfield, and then visibly does some math. His ears flap, and he ducks his head. 

“Oh. Uh. No, like, it can wait, I guess...” He gives Sam a jerky nod and ducks back into the other room.

“It’s a little too late for that, isn’t it?” Sam says, and Garfield giggles a little. They smile at him, and he nods back and hands them a little vial with a marked cork. Sam holds it up to the light; it’s empty.

“It won’t even hurt! Just press your finger on the cork and it should take a single drop of blood.” 

They hear Ian laugh, in the other room. Sam raises their eyebrows and presses their finger to the cork.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what this is for, or who those guys are?” They say, glancing at Garfield from watching the cork draw a fat bead of blood. They hear a loud groan from Tryn, and then Vy giggling.

“Children,” Garfield says, smirking and looking back at them. “They’ve grown taller. That girl… She’s gotten better at magic.” He takes the vial back, when they hand it over. “You can stay for the conversation!”


	4. Exposition

Ian and Tryn are sitting together, on one couch, and Vy’s perched properly on the other one. Tryn’s covering his face with his hands, and Ian’s laughing and patting him on the shoulder. Vy sits up when Garfield comes in, and looks attentive.

They’ve taken off their cloaks. Vy’s dressed in shimmering blues that set off her eyes, with a white brooch securing her cropped jacket. Ian catches them looking and grins, flexing his- admittedly impressive- bare arms.

“Now, you children have had your fun,” Garfield says, coming in. “Let’s get down to business.” Vy smiles at Sam, and pats the space beside her on the couch. Sam blushes and sits.

Garfield almost sits with them, and they’d budge up if he did try, but he just stands with a hand on the back of the couch. He smooths his ruffled fur down and smiles at them again.

Ian’s still grinning at Tryn and chuckling, and patting him on the back. Bent forward as he is, and with both his hands in the way, Sam can’t see Tryn’s face, but his ears are wiggling and a dark pink. Ian is taking up most of the seat. He’s blushing, too, but only a little.

“Well, then? Why were you looking for me?” Garfield says, and Vy’s giggling subsides.

“You mean aside from the fact that you  _ ran away?? _ ” Tryn says, looking up a little, his face still red. “You think just because you don’t have a bracer, we won’t find you? You’ve got another thing coming.”

“What’s that bracer for, anyway?” Sam says, swinging their legs.

“Well-”

“Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?” Vy says. She nods at Sam, and then turns to Garfield. “Would it be fine if I disclose this information?”

Garfield looks at Vy, and then shrugs. “They’re  ~~ uninoculated ~~ _ , _ though,” he says. Vy looks at him, and then at Sam, and nods.

“Okay,” she says. “Since you’re  ~~ uninoculated ~~ , you shouldn’t be able to hear that word. Is this correct?”

Sam bites their lip. “Yeah,” they say. “That’s been happening a lot.” Tryn slouches back in the other seat, crossing his arms. “Can you mime that? What happens if I try to read whatever it is you’re saying?” Vy startles, and then gives them a smile.

“Um. I- I would like to try?” she says. “Oh, um. Well… You’d see static, I guess? Or it’d be like the words are swimming around your sight.” Sam sits back and groans.

“Great. That’s great.”

“But it’s okay! I’ll do my best to explain everything.”

“How do I stop- How much of this am I going to miss- oh. Go for it.”

Vy nods, and clasps her hands, and then glances at Ian and Tryn. Ian nods at her, and Tryn lazily waves a hand out. Vy nods again.

“Tryn, Ian, and I… work for a… certain organization,” she says, “Whose- um. Whose main interest is... keeping the peace. How’s that so far?”

“I got all of that,” they say. “Or at least, all of the words, separately, that came out of your mouth so far?”

Garfield turns and moves to the kitchen. Vy watches him go and furrows her brow, and then shakes her head and turns back to Sam.

“Great!” She squeezes her hands together. “So, um… This organization that we’re part of works to get  ~~ Relics and Grand Relics ~~ for the same of preventing catastrophes from happening. Such as  ~~ what happened to Parletonnerre ~~ . Oh. Oh, dear. I bet some of those were all fuzzy, right? Um.” Sam nods. “There are… magical objects in the world, and some of them are really really strong. How is that?”

“Nothing fuzzy,” Sam says. On their couch, Tryn’s ear flicks at Ian’s hand as he starts to pet Tryn’s hair.

“We work to gather these objects to prevent… bad things from happening. Garfield is a- well…  _ was  _ a member of this organization.”

“Why’d he leave?”

“DONE,” Garfield yells from the other room, and all four of them jump. “I’M OUT. TOO DANGEROUS. NOT ENOUGH MONEY AND GOLD AND  _ ITEMSSSSS. _ ”

“Garfield…” Vy says, looking genuinely upset, and Sam reaches out and pats her shoulder. She rallies, and smiles at Sam.

“Does the bracer factor into this,” they say, gesturing at everything in general, “here?”

“Well...” Vy nods at Ian and Tryn, who raise their right arms; they’re wearing the same bracer. “It’s- It’s sort of a communication device.” Vy raises her arm, showing Sam the same one.

“Does it also let you track whoever’s wearing it?”

Vy nods. “We can track each other using this device. We can also talk to each other and, well, summon a sort of transportation device. Garfield had one, but- you’re not supposed to be able to take it off...” She frowns at him, as he comes back with a tray of cups. “How did you take it off?”

“Ohoho, trade secret, my dear,” Garfield says, putting the tray on the little table between them. He sits on the armchair, and gestures at the cups. Ian takes one, ignoring Tryn’s look of alarm, and drinks deep. Vy watches him, and when nothing happens turns back to Sam.

“What kind of catastrophes?” Sam says. “What do you do with the magical objects? I mean, after you find them.”

“Well, the target is-”

“They destroy them!!” Garfield cuts in, voice high, and Vy flinches. “Can you believe it?? Wonderful expensive magical items, destroyed! I couldn’t stand for it.”

“Yeah, and it’s not like you singlehandedly destroyed  ~~ Parletonnerre ~~ ...” Tryn growls, and Garfield flinches and curls back into his chair. His tail flicks, and curls around his legs.

“What did he destroy?” Sam says, looking at Vy.

“Hey, hey,” Ian says, softer. “It’s- well, it’s not totally his fault.”

“You wouldn’t remember it,” Vy says, looking at her hands. “It’s cause you’re  ~~ uninoculated ~~ .” Tryn’s ears droop. Ian looks like he wants to pull Vy to sit beside him, so he can hold them both.

“That thing I am, again,” Sam says. “Is it- not dangerous, to be that?”

“You’re not dangerous,” Vy says. “We just have a term that pertains to people such as yourself… people who aren’t in the know?” She looks at Ian, who nods.

“Garfield,” Ian says, in that same tone. “We don’t blame you. No one does.” Garfield shoots him a grin, and sighs and sits back.

“We know that’s not true,” he says.

“Okay,” Tryn says, sitting up and leaning his elbows on his knees. “Look. I don’t care what’s happening or who blames who, but you should be interested in this.” Ian and Vy look at Tryn, eyebrows raised high. “You used to say  _ time is money!  _ Didn’t you? And we still have no clue how you got rid of the bracer. They’re  _ not _ supposed to come off!

“But that’s not why we’re here,” he says. “Thundertree.” At this, Garfield’s ears twitch and swivel forward. “If you want to do them a favor, go to Thundertree and rout the cultists there.” He gives a sarcastic laugh and crosses his arms, leaning back again. “You’re strong enough to kill the four of us in four turns, right? You should be more than capable of getting rid of the problem there.”

Garfield looks down, and Ian plays with his fingers.

“Um- Well… I hear they have some magic items?” He says, and he shrugs when Sam looks at him with wide eyes. Vy taps her hands on her thighs.

“I- If you need gold, I can-”

“WE’LL TAKE IT,” Garfield says. “No need for gold, Vy. Oh! I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth.” He titters. 

“Garfield, what?”

“We?” the three say, in chorus. 

“Well! My date won’t just leave me all of a sudden, will they?” 

“I what,” Sam says. Ian starts laughing, and Tryn leaps to his feet.

“You’re bringing  _ them??? _ ” he says, gesturing to Sam and nearly smacking both Ian and Vy. Sam’s face and ears turn pink.

“Oh, dear,” Vy says, glancing at Sam.

“What’s wrong with my going?”

“Well… it’s just a bit unexpected.”

“I can fight well enough- ah.”

Garfield is laughing brightly, and Tryn throws himself back down onto the couch.

“What is even  _ happening _ ,” Tryn says, almost whining, and Ian laughs harder.

“By the gods, I miss you, Garfield!” He says, and Garfield laughs and winks.

“Nothing will keep me down,” he says, puffing his chest out. “After all, a deal is a deal, isn’t it?”

“The deal was three dates for three drops of blood, not-” they sigh. “It’s hardly the most romantic thing, but who am I to judge?”

“Oh! Oh, no, I wasn’t talking about that, Samson!” Garfield smooths his fluffed-up fur again. “I didn’t get to pay them back for the hospitality they gave me, so I have to find a different way to pay them back.” He frowns, and his ears lie back. “You can still decline, of course.”

They frown at him, and sigh. “I’m going.”

“I’ll be willing to compensate you if you’re willing to go-”

“With you. I mean.”

Vy clasps her hands. Tryn groans and sinks lower in his seat, covering his face with his hands again.

“Well, at least this job isn’t that related to the organization, right?” Ian says, and Tryn mumbles into his hands.

“What’s up with him?” Sam says, and Vy laughs and leans forward a little.

“Hey~ Tryn~ They’re asking what’s wrong with you?” she says, poking his knee, and Tryn grumbles some more. Garfield excuses himself and takes the back door outside.

“I’ll be right back!” Ian wipes away tears of laughter, clasps Tryn on the shoulder, and gets up and follows Garfield. Vy keeps poking Tryn’s knee.

“Also, are- are you guys okay with this?” Sam says, fiddling with their fingers. “I realize it’s counterproductive of me to ask, what with our trying to run away in the first place, but-”

Tryn keeps grumbling. Vy at least looks away, to look at Sam, but keeps her finger pressed to his knee. “Okay with what?” she says.

“Okay with our just. Going to Thundertree,” Sam says, tapping their hands together. “I mean, he could keep running, after that.” 

“Well...”

Tryn groans and pulls his hands away from his face, and folds them on his stomach. “If he really didn’t want to go back to the organization, he should’ve said so and just faced the music,” he says roughly.

“Tryn’s job here is to get Garfield to come back,” Vy says. “Because once you’ve drank ~~the~~ ~~ void fish’s ichor ~~ , you can’t unforget the  ~~ redacted information ~~ .” Tryn sighs, and rolls his head a little to level a flat look at her. “We’re currently following a... well, no, I...”

“You’re being far too open, Vy,” Tryn says.

“But they seem like a good fellow! … Do you think they’d…?” She glances at Sam, and then looks back at Tryn. 

“Don’t involve  ~~ non-Bureau ~~ people in our business,” he says, lifting his head to glare. “Just. Don’t do it.”

“We were once like them, though!”

“And I would honestly like to not know these things, but  _ well, we can’t have what we want, right?? _ ” Tryn says, his voice rising to a near-shout. Vy flinches, and then crosses her arms and huffs.

Ian pops his head back through the door, takes a look at the scene, and comes in.

“Um, guys, please-”

“Do you want to get that off your chest?” Sam says, and puts their hands up when Tryn points his glare at them.

“O-kay,” Ian says. “Tryn, come out a second.” Vy sits back, and Tryn sighs and heaves himself up. Ian puts a hand on his shoulder and leans in, and says  _ go out. Stand guard.  _ Some other things Sam can’t hear, and then Ian looks back at them in the room. “Looks like we’re in Phandalin,” he says, and Vy nods at him, and he steps out again. Vy looks at Sam, wringing her hands, and motions for them to come closer and lowers her voice to whisper.

“The organization we’re working for is hidden,” she says. “In fact, I don’t know if you’ll remember this after a few days. You’ll probably just forget. It’s related to why all you can hear is static when we talk about some things.

“Tryn, he- he means well...” she says, biting her lip and looking at the door. “He just doesn’t want to involve more people, I guess. Especially not someone as young as you are...

“We’re currently following a lead, and we don’t have the time and resources to check out what’s happening in Thundertree...” She looks away, bringing a hand up to worry at her thumb before remembering herself and clasping her hands in her lap.

“What? No! I-” Sam bites their lip too, and looks at a point over her shoulder. “I- I don’t want to forget this? And I’m almost as old as you are, I think!”

Vy smiles at them, and inclines her head. Sam blushes. “We don’t have the resources to check it out,” she says, “but we know someone who’s been ‘hiding’ who’s connected to an incident that happened there. He’s been gone for a long time, but this afternoon my tracking spell was able to find him in Neverwinter...”

Sam goggles at her, and then drops their face in their hands and groans.  _ Morninglord, forgive your dullest servant… _

“We’ve been looking for him in cities, since, well, usually these dangerous items can be found near a lot of people,” Vy says, “and, well, he’s a merchant. We thought we’d be able to find either him or one of those items at the same time. That’s how we found you both, and then Tryn went running off to confront Garfield.”

“Good job, Sam,” they mutter into their hands. “You panic once. Once! And then  _ this. _ Sorry about the- the spell thing, by the way,” they add to Vy, and she laughs a little.

“It’s alright!” She waves a hand, and then- looks down at her bracer, picking at the edge. “Tryn and Ian are right, though. These bracers are binding. You shouldn’t be able to take them off… Ever. How did he...” She shakes her head. “It’s weird, is all.” She sighs, and gets up. “Well, it was nice meeting you!”

“Oh- it was nice meeting you too, after the… the alley part,” Sam says, getting up too. She holds out her hand, and Sam takes it and shakes. Her hand is slender but calloused, and her grip is firm. She gives them a sadder smile, and then averts her eyes.

“I hope you don’t forget me,” she mumbles, and Sam squeezes her hand once before she nods and heads for the door. Sam watches her go, and then sits on the couch and scrubs a hand through their hair. The space is suddenly too large. They draw their knees up, wiggling their toes, and takes a moment to write down what happened. They put down bare-bones sketches of the trio, too.

They hear Garfield, Ian, and Vy chatting outside, and they go to watch them from the doorway. Tryn is nowhere to be seen. Ian turns around, as they lean against the doorjamb, and waves at them.

“Hey!” They wave back, and he leaves Vy and Garfield to talk. He comes up, a little lower than them with him at the base of the little steps and Sam at the top, and he rubs the back of his neck and flashes them a charming grin. “Hey, uh, sorry about the thing earlier,” he says, peeking at them from under his eyelashes. “Like, I know this might sound weird, but… I know what it feels like to be thrown in the middle of a situation like this?”

“Thank you?” they say, and he nods.

“It’s kinda weird and, uh, disconcerting? But we won’t try to involve you any further.”

“I’m kind of already involved, but. Thanks?” They rub their arm, glancing at Garfield and then back at Ian. Ian’s direction. “Um. Hey, will I- will I remember this if I stay with Garfield?” He waggles his eyebrows at them and they blush hard, and he laughs.

“I’m kidding,” he says. “It depends, really… Wait, what do you mean remember? Of course you’ll remember!” He laughs some more, coming up the steps. “You shouldn’t worry about it!” He ruffles their hair, stepping around them to stand inside.

Vy and Garfield come back, climbing the stairs, and Sam goes back inside. “Well, we’re ready!” Vy says, smiling up at Ian, and he ruffles her hair. Garfield calls for Tryn, who emerges from around the wagon. He looks calmer, and just frowns at Garfield as he passes. Garfield shuts the door.

“Leave it all to me,” Garfield says. “I won’t let you down.” Tryn opens his mouth- “This time!! I won’t let you down this time!!” Ian snickers, and Tryn shuts his mouth. Garfield puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder and asks them to stay here, and the three of them follow him into the other room.

“Before we go, you mentioned a lead?” Vy says, as they go.

“Oh, that? It’s hardly a lead, really! A missing dwarf. A human companion looking for him. Ahaha!”

Their voices fade, and Sam is alone again. They wait, looking around at Garfield’s boxes, and then he rejoins them.

“Well! Are you ready to go?” he says, and they play with their sash.

“Were you talking about Gundren?” they say, and. He nods for a second, and then his eyes widen, his ears lie flat back, and his tail fluffs up again.

“NO! WHAT EVER MADE YOU THINK I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GUNDREN ROCKSEEKER?” he says, and Sam flinches at the volume but locks their shoulders.

“You mentioned a missing dwarf, and someone looking for him,” they say. Garfield twiddles his fingers. “That doesn’t sound like a lot of other people.” He notices his twiddling, and puts his arms down. He sighs.

“I believe what he’s looking for is related to one of those items those three mentioned,” he says. “You should probably know about the cave he’s looking for, right?” Sam looks into the distance, and then shrugs and nods. “There’s some lore spreading around about that cave, from long ago. That’s all I’ve got to say, really!

“Now, I actually have a very special prize for you!” He smiles widely at them, and they tilt their head.

“A prize.”

He holds his hand out, and they wonder if the prize is getting to touch his toe beans. It’d be nice. It’d be something to tell Renian. He waves his downturned hand, as if to get them to take what he’s holding, and they blink at him and hold their own hand out palm-up. He presses the bracelet of phantom fist into their hand, and closes their fingers over it, and they stare at it until it clicks and they start stammering.

“This is your first payment! For agreeing to accompany me to Thundertree! Gods know I need it,” he adds in an undertone.

“Yeah, I- this is- this is so- wait, what.”

“Now go, go make your preparations! Gather your things! I will wait for you here.” He ushers them out, patting their cheek and shutting the door. They stare at it, for a moment.

Here, outside, with nobody talking to them, it sinks in that perhaps his wagon is a little larger than the usual traveling home, but it’s still not large enough to hold all the rooms they walked through. They stare, feeling the warming metal of the bracelet of phantom fist in their hand in disbelief, and then they shake their head and start the trip back to the temple. 

Sister Garaele is there, and she tells them most of their companions have gone out to follow a girl in a wizard’s hat and the cloak of a prestigious school, but Egghead is still inside. They thank her, and go to wake him up.

He accepts the condensed explanation and grins at them, and says of course he will come with them to chaperone on his little friend’s second date. He looks forward to meeting the handsome kitty who has given Samson such a lovely trinket. He gets up, strapping his axe on, and they head out. He’s bulkier than Ian, but Sam wonders who’s taller. They head back to Garfield’s wagon.


	5. A curse (don't worry, he's fine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there will be a giant spider fight, and Sam freaks out a little in the aftermath.   
> in-character Egghead's falling asleep was how we worked around his player going to sleep IRL.

Sam gives Egghead more details on recent events, as they go back to the wagon. They tell him about buying things and selling things, and accidentally getting dates, and meeting Ian, Tryn, and Vy. They tell him they’re going to Thundertree to deal with some cultists. They knock on Garfield’s door.

Egghead  _ coos in delight _ when Garfield opens the door and lets them in, hurrying up the stairs to pat him on the head. Garfield scrambles back, sending frantic glances at Sam, and Sam shrugs.

“Egghead, this is Garfield. Garfield, Egghead.” 

“A pleasure to meet you!”

“A… pleasure,” Garfield says, and looks at Sam. “Shall we?”

Egghead ooohs and aaahs at everything they pass in the wagon, and Garfield preens. He takes them back to the room with the mirror, removing the cloth cover, and shows them a view of grass and rubble. 

Egghead gawks at the mirror, as Garfield passes through. He sticks his head back through, blinking at them.

“Well, come on? This isn’t our first rodeo, you know!” Egghead gasps, looking back and forth between him and Sam, and Sam blushes.

“I said this isn’t a date!!!” Sam wails, grabbing Egghead’s hand and shoving Garfield back through the mirror.

This time, Garfield’s portal takes them into a ruined hut. There’re no scorch marks or signs of weapons, but there are some black stains on the floor. The grass outside is overgrown and reaches Sam’s hips. Garfield looks around, brow furrowed and tail swishing, and they follow him.

Sam’s first step out into the tall grass has something grabbing their foot and  _ pulling _ , and they yelp and nearly fall over. Egghead catches them, hoisting them up.

“Unlike you to be so clumsy, little friend,” he says, and then hoists them up higher to look at their feet. There’s a pair of little things like shrubs with vicious faces hanging from their boots and trying to bite through; when they turn to Garfield when he yelps there are more clawing their way up him.

Sam yelps, as Egghead swings them and sends the little things flying, and then he sets them down. He rushes at the shrubs, yelling and swinging his axe, and there are crunching noises as he disposes of them handily. There are flashes of light from Garfield and thuds, and Sam punches out the shrub clawing at their chest. They sigh, looking around; no more come. 

“Are you injured, Samson?” Egghead says, coming over and lifting their arms and turning them around to check if they’re bleeding anywhere, and Garfield crosses his arms.

“No, I- I’m fine, thanks,” they say. “Are  _ you _ okay?”

“Right as rain!” He gives them a thumbs-up and turns in a circle, showing off how okay he is. “How is the leetle kitty?”

“Perfectly fine,” Garfield says hurriedly, taking a step back when Egghead heads for him presumably to conduct the same inspection. “Shall we? Those cultists won’t rout themselves.” Sam nods, and Egghead picks his axe back up.

The next few buildings are empty, only showing the same signs of neglect and violence. A few more of the shrub creatures jump out at them, and are quickly dispatched, though one gets a hit in on Egghead’s bicep that they have to wrap. 

At the next house, the door slams open and a person with wild eyes and a body covered in hair is standing there, and Egghead screams and slams his axe into the doorway. The person screams, too, and- and turns into a squirrel and scampers away. They stare as it goes and disappears into the tall grass, and then they stare at Egghead.

“The hairy man surprised me!! Try to tell me it did not surprise you too!”

They shrug and move on. 

Sam wanders off to another house, as Garfield tells Egghead about meeting Sam and their companions in Phandalin, and Egghead tells him about meeting Sam and their companions on the road to Phandalin.

_ There’s a shambling corpse in the next house. _ As Sam stands frozen in the doorway one of its arms falls off and crumbles into a pile of ash, and Sam shuts the door and hurries back to Egghead and Garfield. 

“What did you find in house, little friend?” Egghead says, as Sam rejoins them and overshoots and has to jog in place a little. 

“Nothing, nothing,” Sam says, as they grab Egghead’s and Garfield’s hands and hurry away. They look behind them; the door is shut but there’s another corpse rounding the corner and  _ why why whyyyy.  _ Egghead looks behind them and stops and lets go of Sam’s hand.

“It is not good to be scared of such things, little friend,” he says, and turns and hefts his axe. Sam covers their face. They hear him rushing away, and wait, and then Garfield cries out and they peek through their fingers.

The corpse is just so much ash, now, but also Egghead is facedown on the ground. When they check, he’s just snoring.

“He gets like this, sometimes,” Sam says to Garfield, when he checks too. They sigh and get up, their boots crunching through the ash. When they open the door to the house they left the corpse is still there, and they punch it until it’s a pile of ash, too. They mutter a little prayer for it and the one outside, and then rejoin them.

“What do we do with him?” Garfield says, and they look at him. They look at Egghead, who stands two heads taller than either of them and weighs who knows how many stone more. They look around.

“We could… leave him in one of the houses?” Sam worries at their thumbnail. “But something could find him. But we can’t lug him around… We could wait, but I don’t know how long this’ll last for.” 

“Hmm,” Garfield says. “I may have something… Can you carry him inside?”

“Yeah, sure.”

They drag him to a house that’s not full of ash and has the doors and windows intact, and they lean him against one of the walls. They stand there, panting, and watch Garfield take out a bottle.

“Invisibility potion,” he says, showing them the label. “It should last for about an hour.” They nod, and he activates it, and watches as he pours it over Egghead. Egghead disappears, though when they go over and try to touch him they can still feel him there. They nod at Garfield, and squat comfortably.

“Where else haven’t we been?” they say. “There’s… another house down the road, and then it’s just the long house to the west, the tower to the north, and. The square?” Garfield bites his lip, nodding. 

“Let’s see the other house first.”

The other house is full of cobwebs, and Sam tears one down with the tip of their sword. Something moves, in the corner.

“Hello?” they say, stepping closer, and Garfield yells out half a warning before they step through into more sticky webs. They freeze. An  _ enormous spider _ scuttles out of the corner. It shoots more webs at them. They hear Garfield yelling, and pushing them out of the way, and they fall over into more webs. 

Another spider lands on them and blocks their sight and snaps at them. More light flashes, around it, and Garfield yells. They stick their fist in its jaws and feel the leather creak.

“Samson!”

They gasp and kick it off them, and Garfield again shouts words that makes their ears ring, and the air around the second spiders fills with blades and spatters them with gore. The webs around them shred enough to let them through, and they see the curling husk of the other spider as Garfield ushers them back through the door. He shuts it again, pressing them against the wall.

“Sam?” he says, peering up at them. “Samson?” They stare at him, flicking their eyes to the door, and hug their arms to themself. “The spiders are dead. What happened in there?” They close their eyes, taking a deep breath, and they feel him wipe away a bit of spider from their cheek. He sighs, too, and lets them clutch at his coat.

“Fuck,” they say, or think they say.

“Indeed. I take it you don’t like spiders?” They take another shuddering breath and shake their head. They unclench their hands from his coat.

“Sorry, sorry,” they say. “Ugh.”

“Take your time.”

“Big.”

“It’s gone now. And maybe we’ll think twice about walking into houses full of webs, hmm?” They huff a laugh, and he smiles at them. “There we go. Come on?”

They check on Egghead; he’s still asleep. Garfield takes them to the tower; they’ll try the square after that and leave the little house for last. Halfway to the tower, Sam takes another deep breath and clears their throat.

“Sorry,” they say. “I- Ah. Spider are- Spiders are fine. Those were just.  _ Big. _ ”

“Yes,” he says, glancing at them. “You said as much. You’ve never seen giant spiders?” They shake their head, and he hums thoughtfully. “You wouldn’t like Brian, then.”

“Brian?”

“Someone I used to know. Don’t worry about it.” They shrug, and let him lead them to the tower.


	6. A dragon

The roof of the tower is gone. The walls are crawling with ivy. The grass around the tower is particularly thick, though bent oddly as if by a strong wind. Sam squints at it, and Garfield opens the door.

The air is clean, inside, not musty like the other buildings in town. There’s a door across the room. The ceiling is just completely gone, showing the clear blue sky above.

“Do you think the cultists are in the other room?” Sam says, looking at Garfield, and he shrugs.

“They’re being awfully quiet, if they are,” he says. 

They open the opposite door; there’s a chest there, and a harp in the corner, and an emerald-green dragon drops from the mezzanine. It knocks Garfield over and shoves Sam aside, and it slams itself into the main door and turns and grins at them.

“Well, hello there,” it says. “Pretty dwarfy, pretty kitty. Come to play with me?” Garfield shouts another word and a section of the wall crumbles, and it blocks the inner doorway a little. The dragon laughs. “Don’t hide, kitty-cat! Come out, come out!”

They press against the wall opposite the door, as it presses its face to the rubble. It can’t pass through completely, but its head and neck fit.

“That won’t hold it for long,” Garfield says. “Can you climb?”

“I- not fast enough,” Sam says. “My hand-” they show him the punctured leather. “Can you- you’re magic right? Can’t you fly out?” Despite himself, he laughs.

“I’m flattered-”

“Stop ignoring me!!” The dragon says, roaring at them from the door and scrabbling at the rubble. It screams, and then breathes out a cloud of acid-green fog. Sam yelps and presses Garfield against the wall, covering him with their body. They hide his face and hold their breath, until their eyes water and their nostrils sting, and he mouths another word against the juncture of their neck and shoulder. It makes the fine hairs there rise, but more than that it whips up a wind that clears the poison cloud from the room. 

Garfield sags against them, panting. “I don’t know how much more of that I can deal with,” he says, and they grimace and look over their shoulder.

“No fair!!” The dragon says, snapping at them. It sounds like it’s stomping its foot in the other room. It strains its neck, snapping at them. They hear its tail lashing, and the main door creaks.

“I’ll push you up,” Sam says to the wall beside Garfield’s head. He really is very close. “I- Dwarves don’t get poisoned that easily. I’ll give you a boost, and-”

“I’m not leaving you here!”

“Nobody’s leaving!!” The dragon says, clawing at the doorway. It’s moved some of the rubble aside. It’ll get through the door soon. It’s close enough that it snags Sam’s sash, and it laughs through its teeth and throws them to one side. They crash into the harp and crumple to the ground, and Garfield cries out.

They hear its tail lashing more, and there’s a loud thud as it hits something. The dragon makes a noise of surprise, and then it’s gone back into the main room. Garfield is there, in their field of vision. They keep making things hard for him. 

They hear a shriek of rage and pain from the other room. Garfield helps them up, and they get there in time to see it fly away through the ceiling, an axe in its shoulder. The door is ajar. They hear another thud, and then panting. Garfield sits them beside the doorway and starts moving the rubble aside.

“That was a close call, don’t you think?” he says, laughing, and they sigh and close their eyes. Their body hurts. “But whatever happened in that room, I’m glad it did.” They feel him brush their hair out of their face and they can’t help but furrow their brows. They’re glad too. “After all, it wouldn’t do to lose you before we finish our deal!” He laughs merrily and, when they smile too, goes back to moving rubble.

“I could really do with some help, you know!” he says. “A strong dwarf such as yourself, surely it’d be no trouble! Not like this old cat.” Even so, he lets them sit against the wall. He cries out in alarm, when they tip onto their side, but they crack an eye open and gesture being fine when they see him approach. They curl into a ball. They’ll be fine. They just need a moment. 

They sigh and stay there, watching as Garfield clears the doorway and peeks outside. “There’s no one there,” he says, looking at them and shrugging, and they wiggle their fingers to motion assent. He goes over to the chest, giving a little “Aha!” when he pulls out a pair of jingling sacks, a bundle of scrolls, a group of goblets set with moonstones, and a gleaming greataxe. 

“That dragon child sure has a nice trove, don’t you think?” he says, smiling at Sam, and they sigh and sit up.

“ _ Child? _ ” they say.

“Oh, yes,” he says. “Older than you or I, probably, but still a juvenile to other dragons.”

“Great.”

“Quite,” he says. “Now, can you go on? We still have cultists to hunt down, after all.” He squats by them, and puts a hand on their shoulder.

“I’m- I’m okay. I just need a breather.” Garfield hums thoughtfully and nods.

A piece of rubble from the doorway falls and he snaps to face it, hand out and crackling with energy, and then subsides when nothing more happens. 

Large footprints form in the dirt of the floor, heading for the dragon’s treasure. The four goblets whirl in the air for a moment, as if being juggled, before one goes flying, and there’s a loud “Oops!” before lots of shushing. The axe is picked up next, and swung through the air a few times, and there’s a lot of giggling followed by more shushing. Garfield and Sam meet eyes for a moment before Sam looks at his cheek instead, and the two of them grin before schooling their expressions.

“Well, let me know when you’re ready to go,” Garfield says, in a carrying voice. “Oh, but we should go check on your friend Egghead first.”

“ _ Aaaaahh _ !”

“Yeah,” Sam says. “I wonder if he’s still there?” Garfield smirks at them, and smirks harder when their face twitches with the effort of not laughing.

“It hasn’t been an hour yet, but if he’s woken up then who knows where he’s gone.” There’s giggling from the direction of the chest. Garfield, turned away as he is, is free to grin all he likes, but Sam doesn’t know how much of their face is visible and fights to keep it neutral.

The building they left him in is empty, because of course it is, and Garfield puts his hands on his hips. “Hey!” he says. “Do you know where he’d go? We need to find him. This place is dangerous!”

“At a time like this...” Sam says, folding their arms and turning in a circle.

“ _ Friends, friends!!” _

“Well, we’ll find him sooner or later,” Garfield says, lips twitching. “Let’s go find those cultists!”

“ _ Little friends!! _ ” 

“Where could he be!”

“ _ Could it be they cannot see me!! I am the stealthiest!! _ ”

Turned away from Egghead, Sam lets their face squeeze in a huge grin. They can’t laugh, they can’t laugh. They grab Garfield’s hand instead and squeeze it, swinging hard, and then letting go and skipping a little through the grass. They hear him laugh, behind them, and they turn and grin at him.

There’s another walking corpse, behind him, and then a loud cry. It falls over and then suddenly the axe from the tower is there in its chest, and then the loudest longest cry of shock and awe, and Sam finally lets themself laugh and laugh and laugh. Garfield chuckles a little and shakes his head, and turns and looks Egghead presumably in the eyes. 

“It’s okay, Egghead,” he says. “We know you’re there. You’re invisible.”

“ _ I am what!! Explain right now, fluffy man!! _ ”

“We put an invisibility potion on you! So you’d be safe while we looked for the cultists!”

“ _ Safe! I saved the two of you from the dragon!! _ ”

“Yes, yes, and we’re very grateful. Aren’t we, Samson?” 

Sam keeps wheezing but gestures assent. The grass flattens under Egghead’s invisible feet as he rushes for them, and then they feel his hands squeeze their cheeks and tilt their head up. Invisible as he is, it’s easy to look in his direction.

“ _ You must take care, little friend! I do not know what I would do without you!! _ ” And… they look away. They grin, though. 

“Thanks, Egghead,” they say, a hand coming up to squeeze his. “Glad to have you back.”

“ _I am glad to be back!! Now,_ ” he lets go of their cheeks, and they see the grass bend as he stalks toward Garfield. Garfield grins nervously and takes a step back. “ _YOU_ _must take care as well, fluffy man. I see you holding my little friend’s hand. I am WATCHING._ ” 

Garfield fluffs up and sputters, and shakes his head a lot, and Sam hurries to them and takes Egghead’s hand instead. 

“C’mon, Egghead,” they say. “We’ve still got cultists to find. And thank you very much for saving us from the dragon. Is that a new axe?”

“ _ It is! Is new axe. Old axe is gone now, with the dragon. _ ” They pat his arm. “ _ My poor Sandra, _ ” he says. “ _ She must be so cold and afraid. _ ”

Sam pats his arm some more. Egghead pats them on the head, and moves to get the axe from the body. The axe disappears again, and the body crumbles. The grass around Egghead leans away, which is odd.


	7. Infiltration

Garfield takes them hurriedly past the square, past the buildings there and past the statue. “Look at the dust around the doorways! Nobody has been there. Let’s go, let’s go!” He hurries them to the long cottage to the very west of the town.

The doorstep to long cottage, the last building, isn’t clean, exactly, but the middle has boot prints coming in and out. They hear high voices, inside, talking about a dragon.

“Well, these are probably the ones,” Sam murmurs. They can’t make the words out, but there’s one that sounds more enthusiastic than the others. 

It doesn’t seem like there’s a lot of people inside. There’s the cajoling one, one that speaks up more often than the others to respond, and then maybe two or three more. On the other hand, they might just be quiet. 

The sun is still high, but it’s passed its peak and in very few hours it will be dark. They run through their past fights; Egghead probably has a short while of invisibility left. 

There’s a small figure in a robe, in the front room, tossing a mask from hand to hand, who looks up when Egghead opens the door. They open their mouth to yell, and Sam is there in their face and covering their mouth.

“Shhhh,” Sam says, and as they glance over Sam’s shoulder they see  _ something,  _ and their eyes roll back in their head. Sam puts them down, and starts tying them up. “Well, that was easy.” They look over their shoulder; it’s still just Garfield and presumably-Egghead. They look back at the tied-up cultist, tugging on their lip thoughtfully.

“How are we doing this?” Sam says, looking back at Garfield.

“Quietly, I hope,” he says. 

They sit on the floor, legs crossed. They turn the mask over and over in their hands.

“I could pretend to be there to join them,” they say. “Egghead can knock them out while he’s still invisible. You can… you can be backup in case it goes badly?”

He frowns at them and plucks the mask from their hands, looking at it, and then tilts their head up with a finger under their chin. They avert their eyes. “I’d rather it was me walking into that room, if we have to go separately,” he says. “You’re still looking rather gray around the gills.”

They grin at him and take the mask back. 

“Look,” they say. “You can hit harder. When they pile up on me, they won’t be looking at you. Good plan? Good plan.” He gives an aggravated sigh, and ruffles their hair roughly, and nods. 

“Fine,” he says. “But don’t take unnecessary risks. The moment things go sour, you call for help.”

“I’ll be fine!” They give him a grin. “And besides, Egghead will be there.”

He groans.

The door is open; Egghead looks in and reports five people, all wearing masks. Sam nods and walks in.

There’s two piled up on a couch, one sprawled over an armchair, one looking over some papers on a desk, and one standing on the same desk and attempting to hold court. Those last two look at Sam, when they come in; the other three look up, and then turn back to their things. One has a book, and another has a puzzle box.

“Who are you?” The one on the desk says, tilting their head up to look imperiously at Sam.

“I’m- Sam,” they say, because they didn’t think about this part.

“How did you find us? What are you doing here??” The one at the desk says, and Sam takes a step back and holds their hands up.

“I heard there was a dragon here-”

“There is!!” The one on the desk says. The two on the couch groan. They jump down from the table and hurry up to Sam. Up close, they’re only a little taller than Sam, and slender. Their eyes are wide, behind the mask. “There’s a dragon here! It’s up on the tower, have you seen it?” 

Sam takes an involuntary step back. The one at the desk is looking at them, too, but the one on the armchair drops their book and slumps, and starts to snore quietly. One of the ones on the couch gets up and goes over to them, examining them, and then shakes their head.

“ _ Unbelievable... _ ”

“I saw the tower on my way here,” Sam says. “What- are you guys… what’s up?”

“We’re going to see them!!” The one from the desk puffs their chest out and puts their fists on their hips. “We’ve got it all planned out! We’ve got gifts and everything! And masks!”

“Very interesting,” Sam says, nodding. The one still at the desk shakes their head to themself.

The one on the couch that didn’t get up sighs and curls up, hugging a pillow to their chest. The one examining the one on the armchair looks at the one on the couch, too, and then turns and squints at Sam.

“Do you wanna join up?” The one talking to them says, hopping on the balls of their feet. “You’ll need a mask-”

“It’s in the laundry-” Egghead drops the first mask over their head. “Oh. There it is!”

“Hey, isn’t that one of our-”

“Hey!”

The one from the couch gets up. The leader takes a step back from Sam, eyes even wider. Egghead picks up the one at the table and throws them over it, and there’s a loud crash. Sam punches the leader and sends them sprawling. The last one tackles them, swinging wildly, and gets a good hit in on Sam’s jaw, and then Sam surges and strikes back and sends them rolling into another armchair. 

The leader lands on Sam, and then Egghead grabs them by the collar and throws them into the wall. It’s at this point, too, that Egghead’s invisibility wears off and he slowly comes back into view, and the leader starts to scream.

“Who- who- what-”

“I am the great dragon!!” Egghead booms. “Cease your fighting of little friend!!”

The one Egghead threw freezes mid-swing. The leader locks up while trying to get up, and belly-flops onto the floor. Garfield is there, in the doorway, hand crackling with power, and he walks into the room, tail swishing, looking around at the scene. He brushes imaginary dust off his hands and nods deeply at them, smirking, and then softens and holds a hand out to help Sam up from the floor.

“That went well,” he says, and the cultists still awake glare at him. “Shall we clean up?”

He produces rope, and they start to tie these ones up too. Egghead secures the sleeping ones. Sam ties up the one Egghead threw.

“These cultists, fluffy man,” Egghead says, slinging two over his shoulders for bringing outside. “They are quite small.”

“Yes, they are,” Garfield says, frowning and looking down at the one he’s tying up. Sam looks at their own. The way humans mark age is haphazard, but these cultists really are very small. Sam takes the mask off theirs.


	8. Interrogation

“I am sorry, little hairy man!” Egghead says, to a squirrel that may or may not be the person they nearly attacked earlier. It looks at him, tilting its head, and then goes back to washing its face before scurrying away up the tree. Sam looks at him, and then back at the children they’ve tied up and put on the grass. Sam’s knees creak, and then they sit instead.

“What’s your name?” Sam says, holding the leader’s mask in their hands. They stare defiantly up at Sam, who stares back with a blank face. “I have time.”

“Favric...” 

Sam nods, and looks at Garfield as he goes back for the last one. Favric is sniffling, and when Sam turns to them they promise to be a better dragon person thing. 

“I won’t be duped by dragons anymore!” they say, and Sam nods. “I’ll change!!”

“You will be a good young man,” Egghead says, nodding. “The heart of the dragon has been in you all along.” Favric turns watery eyes to Egghead and smiles.

“This _sucks,_ ” one of the tied up kids says, rolling over. Another one nudges them with their foot.

“We’re in real deep trouble, now,” that one says. Favric’s lip wobbles.

“So,” Garfield says, rejoining them. “Is it really just you fellows?” They turn to him; he’s patting dust off his hands and checking his pockets. He raises an eyebrow at them, looking them over..

“What do you mean just us??” Favric says, wiggling a little to look at him as he walks around them. “We’re super convincing, you know! We almost made friends with that dragon!! And I made friends with _that_ dragon, didn’t I?” they point their chin to Egghead, who waves. Sam stifles a grin. Garfield follows Favric’s gaze, looking at Egghead and then Sam, and nods.

“False alarm, then,” he says, coming to stand beside Sam.

“What was your plan, again?” Sam says, fiddling with their fingers. “Why the interest in...” they gesture at Egghead. “And how were you going to win him over?”

Favric stammers, and their eyes flick from side to side. “I- I’ll have you know, I speak draconic!”

“He’s lying,” one of his friends says. That one has just relaxed fully in their bonds, lying in the grass as best they can.

“No, I’m not!” Favric says, and Sam chuckles behind their hand. Garfield looks around, again, already bored.

“Just let me know when you guys are ready to go,” he says, patting Sam on the shoulder and wandering off. “I’ll bring us back to the portable fantasy costco.”

Sam gives him a thumbs-up, and turns back to Favric.

“Say you _can_ speak draconic,” Sam says.

“I really can!” He makes gurgling noises Sam expects is meant to be draconic, and they wait for him to finish.

“Yes,” they say. “What were you going to say to it?” He starts to sweat, and they keep watching him. “And why the interest in that dragon? Or- or dragons in particular. I’m not questioning that.”

“Why should I tell you why I wanted to make friends with them, anyway?” Favric says, lifting his chin at them. “I just really like dragons, okay? I met one before, you know. I think.” He frowns and deflates a little, looking down at his knees. Sam holds back a sigh.

“I like dragons,” Sam says, ignoring the squawk of surprise from one of the others and keeping their face neutral as Favric’s head snaps up. His eyes sparkle, and they lean closer. They see Garfield smirk.

“Really??” he says, starting to smile. “What’s your favorite one? I mean green dragons are kinda _eh.._ ” One of his friends rolls over and whines.

“You got him _started_...”

“I want to know why you want to make friends with dragons,” Sam says, smiling at Favric, and he gasps. “Also, tell me about yours first. This is interesting.” One of the others rolls their eyes and lies down. Favric wiggles in his seat.

“Well, why wouldn’t I want to make friends with dragons? I’ll have you know, I have some dragon blood within me! Ask your friend over there! He recognized it so fast he said the heart of the dragon was in me!” Egghead, now behind the group, is shaking with silent laughter and miming pounding a tree with the side of his fist. Favric’s eyes sparkle and he opens his mouth, and he stammers through what Sam recognizes is someone trying to get five sentences out at once and everything crashing into each other instead. “One t- Oh- but- So...” the friend tracking a butterfly with their eyes groans and rolls over. Egghead leans against a tree and does his best to look like solemn.

“My fave dragon has to be a silver one! They’re so _cool,_ ” Favric says, and Sam nods and interlaces their fingers. They know this. They know where to make the appropriate noises. “Silver dragons are so nice,” Favric continues, his smile taking on a soft cast as he looks into a point in the past. “I mean- Yeah! They are!! Like- Gosh!” He’s blushing. “I met one once! I mean-” Sam nods, and he taps his feet. “Well, you might not believe me, but I met this girl! This little girl. Back when I was younger!” 

And she told him she was a dragon, and he didn’t believe her, because she was a little girl around his age, and he laughed at her and she laughed with him. But then she saved his life; he got caught snooping and it was really bad and he thought he was a goner, but she helped outsmart the people who caught him as they ran away. 

“We even caught them, you know!” He puffs his chest out, and Sam laughs and taps Garfield’s hand.

“Can we keep him?” they murmur to him.

“I’m not opposed to the idea,” Garfield says, smoothing his fur.

“But one dude was about to grab me at one point, and she caught him and threw him!! And he was so strong, gosh!!” Favric looks like if his hands were free, he’d be waving them about and flapping them. “Wait, what do you mean keep me? What?”

“Nothing,” Sam says. “Go on?”

Garfield gives a thoughtful hum. “Why were you snooping around, though?” he says, and Favric frowns. 

“Well… Funny, ‘cause I don’t seem to remember. I remember a guy with her, and she said they had to go, but I don’t remember why I was snooping at all...” Sam watches Garfield ears flick back, and he gets back up and circles them again as Favric frowns and tries to remember. The specific gap in his memory is definitely interesting.

The one who flopped around trying to cover their ears has given up, lain back, and started gargling with their spit.

“Do you remember anything else about them?” Sam says. “Where did this happen?” Garfield’s ears swivel toward them, and his tail lashes, as he inspects his nails.

“I don’t- I don’t remember...” Favric says, frowning. “Hey, uh. There was a… Wasn’t there a town beside Thundertree?” They watch Garfield’s tail _fluff out_ , and he hastily attempts to smooth it. One of Favric’s friends wiggles their legs a little, looking thoughtful.

“Yeah, wasn’t there?”

“Wait, what the heck are you talking about?”

“It was always just Thundertree, dude.”

“Haha, who’d put another town beside that volcano?”

Sam waits for Garfield to meet their gaze, and then raises their eyebrows. He turns away.

“Tell me about this other town,” Sam says to Favric gently. He thinks about it, brow furrowing hard, and then bites his lip.

“It’s weird, is all,” he says, shrugging. “I think I made it up.” His friend that was looking thoughtful sits up.

“That’s- that’s very interesting,” Sam says, “and I’m being sincere, here, that’s- ”and then Garfield mutters something that crackles. Sam’s head snaps up, but he stays turned away. “... Really interesting.”

“Well, then! Are you fellows done?” Garfield says, clapping his hands and finally turning to face them. Egghead’s eyes are closed, and Sam suspects he’s fallen asleep again.

“Hey, dude, wait,” the thoughtful one says. “I kinda not-remember it too. Do you ever get that feeling?” They nudge Favric.

“Huh? What are you going on about, Gerey?” Favric says, and Gerey frowns harder.

“I- I dunno, it just felt like I was about to say something.”

“Come on, guys, don’t freak us out.”

“Oh, man, there they go again.”

Sam watches Garfield, as he smooths his fur down again. “Well, one person’s weird, but two warrant attention,” Sam says, and Garfield’s eyes widen. He shoots them a look they can’t read, and then goes back into the cottage. Sam sighs and turns back to the children on the grass. One of them is laughing and butting at Gerey with their head.

“Secrets upon secrets,” Sam says, sitting back down. “Well, whatever. You two,” they say, turning to Favric and Gerey. “Gerey, was it?” Gerey nods. “What do you remember? Or- not remember, about this town?”

“I don’t... ”

“Don’t, really, it’s… weird and fuzzy,” Gerey says, and Favric nods too.

“It’s like there’s a weird bubble in my head.” They both frown, and Sam thinks longingly of the workshop. Things weren’t this weird, back home.

“Did you ever go there?” they say, operating on the assumption that the town is real. “Favric was snooping for something he doesn’t remember, so he had to have gone there. Why the _it was always just Thundertree_?”

“I’d tell you if I could,” Favric says, starting to tear up again, and Sam hurries to his side and starts patting his head. He leans into it, which is great. “Everything’s just fuzzy.”

“I feel really bummed out, suddenly,” Gerey says.

“I know, man, like. Gosh, I feel homesick. ” The two of them whine, and their other two friends wiggle over to pile up. Sam gives them room.

“When was the last time you kids went-” They catch themself, considering their surroundings. “When was the last time you went home?”

“That’s a weird question,” Favric says. 

“I mean, we go home every day, right?”

“Like you can call an orphanage _home_ ,” one of the other two says, scoffing.

“Well, Sister Luna is actually really nice, so I think of that place as my home! So there!”

“Aw, don’t get sappy on us now!” Gerey says, laughing and flopping across the one that mentioned Sister Luna, and Favric laughs. “What kind of question was that, Sir!” he says, bearing down on his laughing, yelling friend.

“Hey, don’t call them sir! They’re, like, smaller than all of us,” Favric says, and Sam fights down a blush. 

“This is exactly why we get into trouble, Favric,” the one not under Gerey says.

“Hey, I never said you guys had to go with me!”

“It was the kind of question you might ask someone who’s homesick,” Sam says, looking at Gerey. Gerey blushes, and then his attention is caught by their previously-unconscious member, who groans. 

“Hey! Hey, hey! Hey, Tim!” Gerey says, grinning. He sends Sam an apologetic look, and Sam nods at him.

“Ugh, what happ-” Tim clears their throat, and then tries again in a deeper voice. “What.”

“This is yours,” Sam says, putting their mask down by their feet. They turn, again, to Favric. “Where do you live, and why do they let you run around trying to befriend dragons?”

“We live in an orphanage,” Favric says, blushing and fidgeting with his feet. “And… sometimes we sneak out.”

“We only sneak out with him ‘cause we don’t want him to get into trouble!”

“Please don’t lock us up,” Gerey says, and Sam clamps down on their expression. That’s way too cute.

“It’s not up to me, I think,” Sam says. “But. I… don’t think you can get locked up for- starting cults. Or breaking into abandoned buildings.” They rub the back of their neck and heave a sigh. “The sister is probably going to discipline you if she finds out, though.”

Gerey starts tearing up, which is probably fine because his mouth twitches into a grin before he tries to school it back into a good facsimile of distress. Favric starts tearing up, which is probably not fine because his breath starts to pick up and hitch.

“You mean we can go to _jail???_ ” he says, his voice cracking. “I- I JUST WANTED TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE DRAGON!!” 

Gerey, from his angle, probably looks to Favric like he’s sobbing too. From Sam’s angle he looks like he’s desperately trying to stifle laughter.

“No shit, dude,” Tim says, wiggling and stretching their limbs as best they can in their position. “You mean you thought it was getting tied up? Was all fun and games? By the gods.”

“Please please please don’t lock us up,” Gerey says. “Please let us goooo.” He whines the last word.

“LITTLE CHILDREN GET LOCKED UP FOR BEING BAD,” Egghead says suddenly, in his booming voice, straightening from his lean against the tree.

“You’re gonna make ‘em cry, dude,” Sam says, picking up a pebble and throwing it at him. It just bounces off his comically-large pectorals, but he pouts at them anyway.

“Oh, gods, no, I’m sorry, guys!!!” Favric wails, and Sam presses a hand to their forehead. They should probably stop this silliness. He looks at his friends, and then looks at Sam as if he’s sizing them up, and hops up into a squat.

“What are y-”

“No one’s getting locked up- ”

“GUYS, RUN,” he says, launching himself at Sam.

“Fucking _hell_ -” and their knee bends in the worst way and they topple backward into the grass under Favric’s weight.

“Little boy, do not run! Running only makes problems worse!!”

“Fav, please,” Tim says, making no move to get up and run. Favric wiggles in his bonds, on top of Sam. Gerey laughs again.

“That one ran away from problems and turned into cat,” Egghead says, coming over and picking Favric up. Favric yells and squirms in Egghead’s grip, and Egghead turns the saddest eyes on him. “Do not be scared, little boy!”

“Warned you,” Sam says, sitting up. Their leg is fine; something’s been knocked askew but a light tap with the butt of a knife knocks it back into place.

“Favric, do not run, little child,” Egghead says, setting him back down beside Gerey. “I will not hurt you.”

He’s starting to cry in earnest, and Sam sighs and hobbles over to him. They take off their sash and gingerly pat him with one of the tails. Flynn had been garbage at comforting children, but Alistair had done their best to at least teach the two of them the motions.

“We just want to ask you some things,” Sam says, gently. “As far as I know starting a cult by itself isn’t a crime, so the worst locking up that’ll happen is at your orphanage.”

“Well, nice to see you up and about,” Garfield says, coming up beside Egghead.

“What happened to _you_?” Sam says to him, not at all gently, and he shrugs.

“Oh,” he says. “I was just looking around. Made sure I didn’t miss anything. I also didn’t want to get in the way of your chat. Are you all set to go?” Sam squints at him but Egghead acts faster, muttering about little children and secret towns and _something Sam can’t hear._ He puts a firm hand on Garfield’s shoulder.

“Furry man,” he says. “I would have word.”

“Sure!” He lets Egghead take him aside, and Sam looks back at the kids they’ve tied up. They’re laughing and jostling each other and ribbing at Favric for being a self-sacrificing bro, and Sam scoots back to give them room to pile on him. He shrieks and finally starts to laugh when one of them manages to blow a raspberry on his stomach. Sam lets them at it for a while, looking at Egghead and Garfield.

“Listen,” Sam says, when they’ve had their fun. “Was running a cult all you guys did? Because- if that’s the case, I- just have some more questions about the other town, and- possibly also this place, if you want to talk about it, and then I’ll see what I can do for you?” Favric nods hard, and the other kids roll off him. Tim shakes their head, and Gerey and the other two shrug.

“Was there anything else you did,” Sam says, “Tim?”

“It’s just that,” Tim says, clearing their throat again. “I won’t be much help, I guess? I mean, okay, I know a _bit_ about Thundertree, but I have no idea about this other town you’re talking about.”

“Thundertree was a great town, you know!” Favric says, glancing back at Egghead and Garfield. “But like, two years ago zombies suddenly popped out of nowhere!”

“They what.”

Everyone was shocked, and people panicked, he says. People didn’t know where those came from. The mountain to the right erupted at the same time, too. Everyone panicked and escaped to Neverwinter.

Thundertree was the town to go if you wanted to learn more about the forest, and the druids, and if you liked woodworking in general.

Sam looks around, feeling a twinge of loss. 

“Nobody knows where the zombies came from, but they’re still here,” Favric says. “Did you guys check the other houses? ‘Cause you should’ve stumbled on some of them.”

“We saw a few, yeah,” Sam says. Egghead yells, from by the cottage, but it’s surprised yelling and not the yelling of someone being attacked, and Sam stays where they are. 

“Well, he said everything,” Tim says. “Except for one thing! There’s this old hero in the middle of town, you know!!” They look up at Sam, eyes sparkling. “Actually just close to here! You can see his statue. He’s a great great hero! A paladin, I think, with a sword and shield!”

Sam looks back in the direction they came from. There had been a statue in the square, but Sam hadn’t gotten a good look. 

“He’s called the hero of Thundertree! His name-” Tim freezes, and then shakes their head. “He’s called the hero of Thundertree! I- I just realized I don’t know his name...”

“ _Wow,_ Tim,” Favric says, rolling his eyes. 

“Do _you_ know his name, then?” Sam says, and Favric’s eyes widen and he shakes his head.

“N-no! Of course not! I’ve never heard of him!”

“You seemed to know a lot about Thundertree,” Sam says. “But not this?”

“Are you saying I’m lying?? Please don’t tell the great dragon!!” Favric wiggles. “What’s his name, anyway?” He looks back at where they went, and Sam has to figure out how to break it to him that the “Great Dragon’s” name is _Egghead_. They grin.

“There’s nothing to tell him if you’re not lying,” they say, and Favric nods hard and blushes.

“Hey, that’s weird,” Gerey says, nudging Tim. “I know that hero you’re talking about. He must be really old, right? Like, I don’t remember his name.”

“No, he’s not! They said he was here two years ago.” When the zombies appeared?

“I don’t know the dude,” Favric says, shaking his head. “Sorry, TIm.”

“Did you kids see him here, two years ago?” They hear Garfield laughing heartily, presumably at something Egghead said, and the lot of them turn. 

“They seem to be having fun,” Gerey says.

“‘M glad they’re getting along,” Sam says, still looking at Egghead and Garfield. Idly, as if thinking out loud, they add “it’d be a shame if Garfield got eaten.” Favric laughs, and there’s a high edge. Gerey and the other two laugh, too, and Tim looks at Sam thoughtfully.

“The great dragon isn’t going to eat us, is he??” Favric says, loud enough that Egghead and Garfield look over. Sam shakes their head. Gerey leans on Favric, rubbing his cheek on Favric’s shoulder. 

“Sorry,” Tim says. “He’s just panicky like that sometimes.”

“No worries,” Sam says, still turned to Egghead and Garfield. They do look like they’re having fun. Sam puts their sash back on. “What were you gonna do when you met with the dragon?” One of Favric’s friends groans and lies back down on the grass. “Sorry, sorry.”

“Oh, uh… I didn’t really plan anything,” Favric says. They wipe his nose and he squirms. “I was going to ask him if he knew where Kathleen was?”

“I meant more of what kind of reception did you expect from a dragon, but sure. Who’s Kathleen?” His friends groan and flop onto the grass, but Favric looks at them with sparkling eyes and he gets the biggest grin.

“Kathleen’s the dragon I met and became friends with!”

“You mean the human girl,” Gerey says.

“No no no! She’s a dragon! She’s really nice and strong and for some reason human-looking, but it was so cool!”

“You mean the one you met in the other town?” Sam says.

“Yeah! I mean...” Favric stops and looks down again, frowning and tapping his feet. “I mean- if it wasn’t a dream and stuff, but I remember it so well! So I wanted to ask him that, y’know?”

“Well, maybe you’ll get another chance,” Sam says. “I don’t know if Eggs knew that one, though. Oh, his name is Egghead, by the way,” they add, and Favric gasps in wide-eyed wonder.

“ _Egghead_ ,” he says, and Gerey snorts.

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“You really believe me? About this town,” Favric says, and Sam considers him.

“I see no reason not to,” they say. “In fact, I’d like to know more about it. Anything at all you can remember, or about. The surrounding area, or stuff that happened. Anything at all.” He sits up and gives them the widest smile, bouncing in his seat, and then- stops, and looks puzzled. Gerey frowns too, biting his lip and looking down. 

“I- I’m trying! I’m really trying,” Favric says, looking at them with a pleading expression, and Sam pats him on the head. “I can’t- remember...”

“It’s okay,” Sam says. “Last question. Do you at least remember when you first went there? And when you _last_ went there?” 

He shakes his head. “I remember leaving it… Uh… Two years ago,” he says, because of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cutting this in half


	9. Return

“Ah, children,” Egghead says, as he and Garfield rejoin them. “Have you been good?”

“They’ve been great,” Sam says, and fidgets. “Hey, do- do you want us to bring you back to the orphanage?” They say. “Can we? We could- I don’t know- back up an alibi? Something that isn’t- isn’t heading for a dragon armed only with their optimism.” The kids nod, and Tim shoves at Gerey. Garfield takes out a shimmering purple rag and goes back to the cottage. He starts wiping at it, making his portal.

“We’re not going to jail!” Gerey says. 

Egghead gives a big booming laugh. “Of course not!! But,” he says, “if you try to run away again, and get yourselves into trouble, you better be ready to be eaten...” he grins at them. Favric starts to shiver again, and Sam takes out a cane and taps Egghead.

“You’ll scare them, buddy,” they say, and he subsides. “You’re not gonna get eaten by this one, I promise,” they add, to the kids. “... By this one.”

“The portal is back open,” Garfield says, coming back. “Are you going to keep them tied up?”

“Oh, shit.”

Egghead helps them untie the kids, and they help them massage life back into their limbs. Garfield waits by the portal.

“What’s  that? ” Gerey says, as they approach.

“That’s so cool!!”

“We’re taking them to fantasy costco?” Sam says, to Garfield. “I mean- We’re not taking you to fantasy costco,” they say to the kids. “I’m not  buying  you anything at fantasy costco-” Sam puts their hands over their face for a moment. “Where the f- where’s your orphanage, anyway? Also. This is Fantasy costco.”

“My handkerchief can only bring us home,” Garfield says, grinning at them as he shakes the dirt off his handkerchief. He folds it and tucks it back into his robe. “I can open another portal using the mirror.”

“That’s… okay,” Sam says. “That’s very cool! I’m not gonna question that.”

“What’s a fantasy costco?”

“It’s where this guy seduces you for your blood,” Sam says, pointing a thumb at Garfield. Garfield fluffs up.

“I- I do not!”

“He does not.” Sam grins at him. “I really thought we had some bonding moments in the back room, though.”

“It’s where you can buy meundies!” Egghead says, giving a thumbs-up. 

“I don’t think I want to buy your undies,” Gerey says, and Egghead laughs. Favric runs up to the portal, staring into it. Gerey grimaces at Sam in fear, taking a step back but his hands reaching for Favric in case he goes in.

“It’s fine,” Sam says to Gerey. “We had a different deal, and. You- you’re going to be okay.”

Garfield smooths his fur down, tail lashing, and walks past them and through the portal. Favric glances at them, and jumps in after him.

“I’m not sure if- FAV!” One of the others runs after him. 

“Oh no, not again, gods damn,” Tim says, as they help their other concussed friend to the portal. 

“He’s  really  lucky he has you guys,” Sam says. 

“Surprising how we haven’t died yet,” Gerey says, giving a panicked giggle and yelling under his breath as he follows Favric in. They appear on the other side of the portal, the two of them gaping in awe at their surroundings. Tim nods at Sam and starts moving toward the portal and stops just before it, looking at Sam. 

“I- um, no… Never mind,” Tim says, and Egghead pushes them in and chortles. Tim crashes into Favric, and the two fall under the weight of their friend. 

“Hey, what gives!” 

“You took too long,” Egghead says, “and now your balance is gone! Kachow!” 

“Well, come along, then,” Garfield says, and Sam, Egghead, and their last friend pass through the portal. Garfield dismisses it and it changes location a few times, and the children  oooh  and  aaah.  He gives a pleased smirk, unseen to them, and takes the time to show off. Tim glares at Egghead.

He opens to a snowy mountain landscape. He swipes again to a dense forest, and then another forest, and then a city, and then another city, and then the alley where the sunlight is weak and there’s a little puddle on the ground. Sam hides whatever smile they might have when Garfield turns to them but he still catches it; he smiles back. 

“Neverwinter, right?” Sam turns to the children, and Garfield follows their gaze. “Now, make sure none of you took anything from my collection,” he says, face growing serious, and the shadows in the room deepen. “Or you’ll regret it.”

The children give little shrieks and run through the portal, leaving Tim and their concussed friend. They look through, again, pushing each other as if arguing over who’s coming back for them but none wanting to face Garfield. Favric draws the short straw and comes back, throwing their friend’s other arm over his shoulders and looking at them. “Uh, we know how to get to the orphanage from here,” Favric says. “We’ll just get goin’.”

“Yeah,” Tim says. “Just need to pick up our friend over here.” They lift, and Sam gives them room. 

“I thought you wanted to escort them?” he says, and Sam ducks their head and blushes. 

“Yeah, I’m- I’m gonna.” Egghead is already through the portal, and Sam follows him into Neverwinter. Gerey takes their concussed friend. The children send worried glances at Garfield, as he hides the portal, but Favric darts to Sam’s side before running ahead and then looking back, hopping in place as he waits for them. They’re led down a few little streets to a two-story building tucked between others in worse states, and Gerey heads past the door to the building, crumbling, beside it. Favric looks at the correct building, looks at them, and nods his head to where Gerey went. The children follow.

“What are we doing?” Garfield says, because apparently it’s  we now. Sam rubs the side of their neck.

“Honesty minute? I never expected to get this far.”

“Honesty minute, I never expected to get this far without eating them,” Egghead says, and Garfield laughs.

“I… haha. Funny story,” Sam says. “I’ll tell you later.” Egghead laughs, and then approaches the first building.

“Um, Sister? We, um, found these little kids wandering around!!” He calls out, loudly, and Sam cringes close and looks around. The kids in their party have all gone into the rundown building; nobody is outside. “Was wondering if they were yours!!”

“Sister Luna?” Sam says, approaching the door. They hear shuffling, from inside the other building.

Sam bumps into a wall with a window covered with bricks, when they go inside. Egghead points out a makeshift ladder formed by pushing out parts of the walls. Garfield leans against the wall and waves for them to go ahead if they’d like. Sam goes up first.

The children are up on the second level, moving some bricks around from a window to make a way into the adjoining building. They’re all engrossed in their work, and Sam clears their throat.

“You couldn’t have just taken the door?” they say, and Favric startles and shoves one of the bricks. They hear it tinkle.

“Oh, man, you scared me for a second there,” he says. 

“We don’t want to get in trouble,” Tim says. 

“So… we’re sneaking back.”

“Won’t the sister have noticed you were missing, though?” Sam says. “And… your friend’s concussed. Kind of hard to miss. … Sorry that happened, by the way.”

“Wel, she was out,” Tim says. “And she’s probably not back yet, but we can’t be too sure. Fav, you’re not supposed to push the bricks, what if it hits someone down there?”

“But it’s easier!”

Gerey reaches past Favric and pulls the next brick back into the building. Favric turns huge pleading eyes to Sam.

“Can you guys help us?” he says, lip wobbling. Sam moves aside to let Egghead up onto the second level.

“No worries,” he says, “let me show you how it’s done.” He climbs into the hole and promptly gets stuck, and Sam stops breathing to keep from laughing. “It seems I have misjudged my bigness.”

“Okay,” Sam says, when they’ve gotten their face under control, “I think I can get my hand through some of the gaps. Eggsy, this might tickle a bit, but I can pull some more bricks out.”

“Little ma- what are you doi-” Egghead laughs and wiggles as Sam’s knuckles brush his sides and stomach as they try to pull more bricks into the building to widen the gap. He keeps giggling and then suddenly stops, and he gasps.

“Oh no!!! Hello, little girl!!” he says, wiggling, and Sam freezes and sends a wide-eyed glance at the kids, who have their hands over their mouths. “Don’t stay down there, I might fall on you!” 

Sam pulls their hand back inside and knocks a brick loose, and Egghead jerks, and there’s a tinkle but a little far-off, as if he’d knocked it away.

“Who are you?” they hear, and the kids look at each other and whisper to each other.

“Oh, gods, don’t tell me Sister’s back,”

“Oh no we’re  dead, ”

“It’s just a kid?” Sam says, jerking their thumb at the hole. “It sounds like a kid.”

“Oh shit, is that Anneth?”

“What’s  she doing out here??”

“What is your name, little girl?” Egghead says, wiggling. “I am a friend!”

“I’m- who are you?? I’m telling!!” They hear little footsteps running away, and Egghead sags and sighs. Sam pats his butt consolingly. Tim sighs too, and goes back down the ladder.

“Should’ve taken the door,” Sam says.

“I am a friend!!” Egghead calls out. “I am a friend and I am stuck!” They hear a pause, and then little footsteps coming back. Egghead plants his feet and tries to pull himself out, to no avail. 

“You’re… stuck?”

“Please get the sister,” Egghead says. “She can help? I am a very big man and tried to squeeze in tiny hole, and for that I am paying for it.”

“Sister Luna isn’t back yet,” the little girl says. “She’s been gone for two days now. But I can call for help! My brothers are very strong!”

“Maybe we can tell the sister you were trying to help us out of a tight spot,” Sam mutters to the kids. “Ha. Haha.” Gerey looks at them and then looks away and stifles a chuckle, and they grin.

“But they’re not back yet...”

“Very well, then!! Stand back!!” There’s the patter of little feet, again, and Egghead braces himself against the wall. “She is far away,” he calls back to Sam. “We can try to get me out!”

They hear another pair of feet running into the building, and then Tim calls up to them. “Sister isn’t back, yet!” they say. “We can go through the front door!” Their friend goes down, too, and Gerey picks up their concussed friend. Sam holds Egghead around the middle and starts to pull, and the floor creaks alarmingly. Some more bricks drop, around them, and Egghead successfully pulls himself out. He goes rolling back and drops to the ground floor. Sam grabs the three children left, somehow, as Gerey clutches at their friend and Favric screams, and part of the wall collapses behind them as Sam throws them out of the way. They almost fall, but catch themself and throw themself forward. 

They see Garfield on the ground floor lower his hand, the words of a spell ready. He catches them looking and smirks, and they blush and duck their head to hide their face.

Favric stammers, looking at the scene, and then whimpers and runs down. Tim comes up and helps Gerey bring their friend down, and they hear the little girl talking to them. She sounds excited.

“Did you make friends with the dragon?” She says, and as Sam goes down they see her hopping on her toes.

“Did you mean me?” Egghead says, flexing, and Sam laughs. Garfield takes their hand and helps them down the ladder.

“Ha! I don’t need to make friends with any more dragons!” Favric puffs his chest out. “After all, there’s a dragon within me!” Sam turns their head and snorts quietly, and Garfield grins at them.

“That’s  so cool!! ”

“Anneth! Meet the great dragon!!” Favric does a dramatic sweeping motion, as if presenting Egghead, and Anneth looks at them dubiously. Sam hides their grin behind Garfield.

“You mean the one who was stuck?” She says, and Garfield snickers. “You’re not so great after all, great dragon!” Sam bites back laughter and nudges Egghead. 

“You gonna take that, great dragon?”

“Aren’t you more of a duckface?” She reaches up as if to try and pat his face, but only comes up to his waist and thinks better of it. Gerey and their conscious friend bring the concussed one into the orphanage.

Egghead play-roars and swoops down on Anneth, picking her up and swinging her around as if she was flying, and everyone except Garfield cries out in surprise. Anneth herself squeals and giggles, and pats Egghead’s face, but Favric hovers close with his eyes locked on her and his hands out to catch her if Egghead accidentally drops her.

“I am a great dragon!!” Egghead says, and Anneth giggles more. “You cannot say those things to meeee!!” Anneth laughs and squishes his face with her hands. Sam sidles over to Tim. More children have begun to peek at the scene from the doorway.

“Hey,” they say, rubbing the side of their neck. “Is your friend gonna be okay?”

“Well… maybe?” Tim says. They sigh in relief when Egghead spins Anneth one last time and finally puts her down. Anneth hops up and down, still delighted by the sudden ride, and runs around them. “I mean, we should just keep him conscious, right?” Sam shrugs.

“Is time I helped,” Egghead says, putting his hands on his hips and puffing his chest out, and taking a healing potion from his belt pouch.

“There’s that,” Sam says, as Egghead puts it carefully in Tim’s hands. “The sister should probably still know it happened, though.” Tim takes the potion, stammering in a voice that’s gone high and squeaky.

“Take a bit to heal that brain boo-boo,” Egghead says, nodding. “And use it to help others, as well.”

Tim squeaks again. “But- but we can’t afford this,” they say. “Are you sure?”

“He’s a dragon, he’ll be fine.”

“Repay me by being kind, little ones,” he says, patting Tim on the head and then ruffling their hair roughly. “And don’t you forget it!!” Tim whines a little, as if holding back tears to try and look tough, but they take the potion. “Now, WHO WANTS TO FEEL THE MIGHTY FLIGHT OF A DRAGON?” He picks up a random child and swings them around.

“Me! Me!!” Anneth says, hopping around Egghead again. Tim sighs and heads into the orphanage. Sam goes to stand by Favric.

“Who else is here?” Sam says. “Does Sister Luna leave like this, sometimes?”

“Uh...” he glances at them, and then keeps watching Egghead. “There’s two two-year-olds, some fives, Anneth is six… There’s some older kids, and then us! We’re teenagers!” Sam nods. Their heart aches. Their limbs ache in a more literal way. “Sister doesn’t usually leave, but there was an emergency. She wouldn’t tell us what it was, though. Actually, this has to be like the second time she left us since I’ve been here? Last time she left for three days.

“We can take care of ourselves, though! Like, some of us are almost old enough to be adventurers!” He puffs his chest out, and Sam tries not to frown too much. 

“I… see,” they say. Everyone in that orphanage is too young to be left without adult supervision.

Egghead sets the last child down and goes a little way away, unstrapping his short sword and sitting down and carves something into the hilt. Anneth tries to look over his shoulder, and he tries to shoo her away. 

“Is danger, little one,” he says, and she pretends to leave but then comes back and peeks. 

“It’s so weird,” Favric says. “Ya know, like you guys ambushed us, but you three turned out to be cool people.” Sam blushes and turns their face away. “Not too sure about the cat, but you and the great dragon are good good folks. Um… thanks for not being jerks?” Oh. Oh, child. People not being jerks should be the basic expected thing. “What’s your name, by the way?”

Sam gives a surprised laugh. With all the excitement, there was never any time.

“I’m Samson,” they say, touching their necklace. “That’s… you know Egghead. And the cat is Garfield. He’s not so bad.”

“Mmm, if you say so,” Favric says, starting to bounce on his feet. “You’re adventurers, right? When I get older, I wanna travel around too!”

Sam goes still enough that Favric asks if something’s wrong, and they shake their head. Things considered, they're not so different, but… “Maybe when you’re older,” they say, and he pouts.

Sam rubs the side of their neck. “Hey, uh. Can I write to you guys?”

“What? Oh. Uh, sure? You don’t have to, though,” he says. “Like, it’s not your job or anything. We’ll be fine!”

“Mmmm.”

Egghead finishes his carving and goes over to Sam and Favric, and holds his sword out. There’s a- a dragon, carved into the hilt, but done hurriedly and clumsily and it looks more like a snake with wings. 

“Greetings! I have something for you, gangly boy.” Egghead draws himself up, and clears his throat. “I would like to give this to you.

“The dragon is within you, gangly boy,” he says, as Favric starts to make a noise like a teakettle and hop faster on his feet. “I give this to you to protect the weak and innocent of this orphanage.”

“By the gods this is the best gift,” Favric says, practically vibrating out of his skin, reaching for the sword.

“Is not gift!!” Egghead holds the sword up over his head. “Is responsibility!!”

“You’re really giving it to me??”

“Only if you are responsible!!”

“I’ll be the most responsible!!”

“The power of the dragon is to be used to protect, not hurt! The strong must protect the weak.”

“No, no, it’s okay!” He starts to jump, trying to reach it. “I’ve used a sword before!”

“You what,” Sam says. Egghead finally gives it to him and he grabs it and swings, nearly whacking Sam’s head off if it had been naked and they hadn’t ducked, and Egghead squawks and snatches it out of Favric’s hands.

“Whoops- NO, WAIT, I SWEAR- NOOO!!” Favric hops a little again and whines. Egghead raises the sword a little higher. “I know how to use a sword! I swear! I was just excited that time!! Nooo, the dragon within me is out of reaaach...” After letting him hop a little more, Egghead sighs and brings it down.

“Listen,” he says. “I trust you. The dragon within you is for protecting others.” He nods so hard Sam thinks his head might fall off, and Egghead puts a hand on his shoulder. “Is important to help the sister with the other kids, so I give this to you to help with that.” Favric nods harder. “So I need you to not be reckless. Look here; this emblem-”

“That hastily-drawn dragon?”

“Shush!”

Sam obligingly puts a finger over their mouth.

“Is the symbol of the dragon passed down to those who have the dragon heart within them. This is special training sword for that purpose. Is not real thing yet.”

“Egghead that sword is very sharp.”

“Not to worry; I blunted edges a little.”

“You guys know I can hear you, right?”

“Shush! Is training sword!” Favric covers his mouth, his eyes glimmering with laughter. “The real thing is something you have to find. That will be your quest one day BUT NOT NOW THOUGH.”

Favric nods, looking determined, and Egghead laughs a little and hands it to him with ceremony. He takes it in both hands, eyes shining. Egghead pats him on the shoulder.

“Use it well,” Egghead says. Favric breaks character, grinning from ear to ear and spinning with the sword.

“Don’t be reckless, though; if it’s someone stronger than you, you gotta know when to run,” Sam says, and Favric nods. 

“Got it.”

“Don’t endanger yourself or your companions.”

“Safety first!” Egghead adds, giving him a thumbs up.

“... You gotta promise me?” Sam says, mussing their own hair and avoiding Favric’s eyes. He nods slowly.

“Yes, mom,” he says, and Egghead gives him the other thumb up, and Sam blushes furiously. He cracks a small grin, and Sam sputters.

“You- promise your dads too,” they say, jabbing their pointer finger to Egghead. Favric bows his head and pats Egghead’s arm, starting to laugh.

“Yes, dad.” Sam looks at Egghead, and then looks at him again; his eyes are misting over. It’s amazing.

“Yes, gangly boy,” he says, and Sam has to laugh. “Now go run along and protect your family.”

“Yes sir dad!” Favric says, and, carefully holding the sword, jogs off to the orphanage, giggling all the way. They two of them watch him go.

“Protect yourself, too,” Sam says, “don’t be a self-sacrificing hero!”

“Got it, mom!” He runs into the orphanage and carefully shuts the door, and Egghead puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Come now, clingy friend,” Egghead says, steering them away. “We must depart.” The two of them wave, again, as Favric opens the door and waves goodbye. Anneth is there, too, behind his legs, waving at them. They turn away when Favric finally shuts the door.


	10. A reward

“Well, that was a heartfelt goodbye,” Garfield says. “Ready to meet our benefactor?”

“I’ll cry when it’s time to leave you too, don’t worry,” Sam says, patting him on the shoulder, and laughs when he fluffs up again. He digs around in his bag and pulls out the bracer Tryn shoved at him- “Wait, what-” and clicks a particular sequence. He smooths out his fur, and Ian Shieldheart appears from around a corner. He’s smiling at them and his eyes narrow, at the hand Sam’s automatically put on their sword hilt.

“Oh, hey,” he says. “You guys done?” Sam sees him looking, and he sees Sam see him looking, and he grins at them when they take their hand off their sword. Egghead audibly gasps and grabs Sam’s arm, and almost shakes them. Ian Shieldheart looks at Egghead, who gasps again. 

“I don’t think we’ve met?” he says, and. Wow. This is the first time Sam’s seen him flustered. He’s covered in feathers from the neck up, but they see the blush spread down his chest.

He’s definitely bulkier than Ian, but Ian is taller.

“You brought another person with you, too? Must be getting soft, old man,” he says, grinning down at Garfield, and Egghead pats him.

“Yes, he is very soft.” Sam almost laughs.

“Not going to introduce yourself?” he says, a frown marring his handsome face. “Well, that’s fine. I’m Ian Shieldheart.” He thrusts his hand out for Egghead to shake and Egghead takes it, clasping his forearm and shaking.

“I am known as Egghead,” Egghead says, smiling at him. Ian clasps  _ his _ forearm with his other hand, and gives him a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Egghead lets go and steps back, grabbing Sam by the shoulder and shaking them in lieu of visibly losing his composure, and Ian addresses Garfield.

“Dragon?”

“Taken care of.”

“Cultists?”

“Just a bunch of children.”

His face opens in genuine surprise, which Sam didn’t realize would be so refreshing to see. “Really?”

“They’re from the orphanage right behind us.”

“We good,” Egghead says, giving him a thumbs-up. Ian nods, looking at the building thoughtfully. He grins at Garfield, again.

“And you even escorted them, huh? I  _ really _ think you’re getting soft.” He laughs gently, and shakes his head. He twitches his cloak aside and reaches in his bag, pulling out a little sack he hands to Egghead. “Oof,” he says. “Here you go. Vy insisted you get paid.”

“I already said-”

“Shhh, she insisted. Let it go.”

“Speaking of which,” Sam says, hopping on their toes a little, “where  _ are  _ they?” Egghead is already fiddling with the knots. Ian looks at them.

“We got… a lead,” he says. “Nothing too serious.” He doesn’t offer anything more. Egghead looks into the bag and finds a note, rolled up and tied to another bag inside. 

In lovely cursive that probably belongs to Vy, because she was the one who insisted they get paid and it’s easier to read the words in her voice anyway, it says “Not sure if you can identify all these, so I wrote the items down for you!” The bag contains a ring of warmth, a puzzle box (please keep it), a potion of resistance, a potion of greater healing, and a wand of magic detection. Under the ring of warmth it says “This item requires attunement. You'll be less affected by the cold, especially since winter is starting to arrive. In addition, you and everything you wear and carry are unharmed by temperatures as low as -45.56 degrees centigrade. It comes with a cool feature where if you touch the ring to a cup you're holding, it warms the drink in it.” Under the wand of magic detection, it says "This wand has three charges. While holding it, you can expend one charge as an action to cast the detect magic spell from it. The wand regains up to three expended charges daily at dawn."

There are also coin pouches that are  _ very  _ heavy, when Egghead hands them to Sam to feel. Sam frowns at Ian.

“This is… a lot,” they say. “How many cultists did you think there’d be?”

He shrugs at them. “We honestly thought it would be a different group of people,” he says. He looks at Garfield. “You sure it wasn’t them?”

“Positive.” Sam glances sharply at Garfield, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t look away from Ian.

“Well… I’ll take your word for it.” There’s a light on Ian’s bracer that’s blinking, and he nods at them. “It was nice meeting you, Egghead. And great seeing you again, Samson and Garfield. But I have to go.” He frowns at the blinking light, and then snaps his fingers and digs in his pockets. “One more thing. Samson.”

“Yes?”

He looks at them, brow furrowed in confusion, and hands them a note. “I’m playing the messenger. See you guys around.”

Garfield grabs Ian’s arm and he flinches as if expecting an attack, but Garfield just puts a mirror in his hand. He looks down at it, raising an eyebrow, and Garfield lets go.

“Thanks for… this? See ya,” he says, giving them a little salute. He goes, jogging and disappearing around the corner. Sam tucks the note into their pocket.

“O- okay?” Egghead says. “Who gets what?”

“I’ve got some questions, second dad,” Sam says to Garfield, tilting their head away from him to look at him from the corner of their eye. “But they’ll keep.” They look at Egghead. “Do you want to just split it?”

They go back into the alleyway and Garfield shakes his handkerchief out again, and they go back into his wagon.


	11. Backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: bullying mention, allusions to past trauma involving fire. Canon-typical tragic backstories

“Sit, sit,” he says, and puts them in the sitting area again. It's newly dark, outside. He leaves them for the kitchen. Egghead puts the sack on the table, and they put everything out to see, and Sam takes out what they took from the dragon’s tower.

“I want the money and puzzle box,” Egghead says, tapping his feet. “Is that okay? You can have rest.”

“Can I have a quarter of the money?”

Egghead nods, and thinks about it a little. “May I have potions? I will heal people I like. Like you!” Sam blushes and laughs, and moves the potions and puzzle box to Egghead’s side of the table. They split the money, and take the wand and the ring. The ring is lovely, all dark-blue steel and little diamonds like snowflakes. They look at the goblets and decide to wait for Garfield, and neither of them knows how to use the scrolls so they just leave those. Garfield comes back with a tea service.

Sam fondles the neck of the sack, as he drinks, and looks at him. 

“Thank you for the tea,” they say. 

Egghead drinks some tea, and throws himself down across the couch to nap. “Very much excitement today, little friends! I must close my eyes for a moment.” Garfield gestures to the couch, giving his permission, and soon Egghead is snoring.

“I don’t know how to phrase this... ” Sam rubs their neck again and grins at Egghead’s sleeping body. “Does it matter to you what I do with phantom fist from this point forward? Just to get that out of the way.”

“It doesn’t really matter,” Garfield says, waving his hand, and Sam gives him a smile that doesn’t reach their eyes.

They’re picking up bad habits.

“Alright, then,” they say. “Who did they expect us to meet? Do you know what happened at Thundertree two years ago?” They watch him freeze, about to drink his tea. “What happened to the other town?”

He drinks his tea. “I’m not too sure who they’re looking for, exactly,” he says. “Remember, I’m not part of their group anymore. But I guess you can say I know what happened two years ago. Let’s leave it at that.”

“This uncomfortable?” Sam says, leaning their elbows on their knees. There are little puncture marks in the leather of their right hand. They should get that replaced. “Does asking about the hero count as ‘not leaving it at that’?”

“We’ve only known each other for less than a day,” Garfield says, and then frowns and takes a biscuit. “Ha.  ~~ Kallistos ~~ . Hero, they called him. He was anything but.” More static. “No, I guess he  _ was  _ a hero, wasn’t he.”

“I think if I’m handing my blood over to you for secret reasons we’re a bit closer than. You know.” They shift in their seat. “What did he do?”

“I’m starting to think our deal wasn’t worth it,” he says, giving them a chilly smile. “I obviously have the shorter end of the stick.” He shakes his head and laughs. “Do you really enjoy tormenting me with questions?”

Sam flinches. 

“I- it’s not you,” Sam says, only partially lying. “I just- … I do ask a lot of questions, don’t I.” He gestures for them to sit with him on the couch, probably so they can talk more quietly and not wake Egghead up.

“I’m willing to talk,” he says. “Not too much, right now, but if you’d like to know some things I’m willing to indulge some of your questions. A deal is a deal, after all. I’ll tell you which ones I can’t answer.” Sam nods, and moves to sit beside him, and he pours some more tea.

“If it’s not a fair deal I think you can adjust,” Sam says. “Or- take it back, probably. I won’t hold it against you.” He waves a hand again, and drinks some tea.

“Don’t worry too much about me,” he says, giving a short laugh. “I can take your questions!”

Sam stares at him and drinks, and holds the warm smooth cup in their hands. “What’s your deal with- I mean your thing about items with backstories?” they say. “Memories. Things. I haven’t forgotten what just happened, but I’m also curious about that.” He looks at them over the rim of his cup, smiling, and they take a throw pillow and put it over their lap.

“Items that have a certain memory or value attached to them are more difficult to enchant,” he says. “But the enchantment stays longer, and is more potent.” Huh.

“Huh. That’s cool.” 

He gives them a small smile. “I’m learning to be an artificer.” They nod, putting the cup back on the table. Egghead gives a loud snore.

“How’s that going? Don’t you need someone to teach you stuff?”

“As well as you could imagine,” he says, which is pretty darn well if they’re to guess. He seems like he’d succeed at anything he’d put his mind to. “I- I’ve already been taught. I’m just revising and learning new things.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” they say, leaning their cheek against the back of the couch. “But why an artificer?”

“It’s the only way you can have a very successful business!” His voice rises a little, and then both of them glance at Egghead. He snorts and turns over, but does not wake up. Garfield turns back to Sam, leaning in and lowering his voice a little. “You learn how things work, improve them; Learn their history, what makes them the way they are, understand their weaknesses. And then perfect them.”

Sam looks at a point over his shoulder, the closest they can to looking at him, and feels their nerdy heart beat just a hair faster. They hug the pillow to their chest.

“Does the blood factor into this? Also, did you make that bottle with the fancy stopper yourself?”

“I did!” he nods. “As for the blood… Well, it’s for something different. I’m trying to figure things out and I needed… I guess you can say a sort of volunteer.” He fidgets with his fingers again. “Are you uncomfortable? It’s not for anything bad, per se.”

Sam puts their mouth on the pillow and tilts their head to eye him. 

“Would you have wine-and-dined Egghead over there?” He fluffs up again, and they huff a laugh and close their eyes for a long moment in lieu of nodding or shaking their head. “Nah. I lose enough blood fighting anyway.”

“That does tend to happen in adventures,” he says, brow furrowing again.

They give him another long blink. “And who knows,” they add. “Maybe someone’s already scraped up a pint and is using it for  _ nefarious deeds. _ ” They laugh quietly. “I’ll deal with it as it happens.”

He nods at them, drinking some more of his tea and smoothing down his fur. “Why not tell me more about you?” he says, and they laugh. “How’d you end up with...” he gestures at Egghead. “Where’d you come from?” He matches their pose, leaning against the back of the couch, and yawns.

“Ahhh,” Sam says, rubbing their neck and looking up at the ceiling. “I’m really just some monk on a job. Wait, can you still be a monk if your monastery- Ah, never mind. I met him-” they gesture at Egghead- oh a pit on the way to deliver Gundren’s goods.” They shift on the couch and show him their right hand. “If you want to know, it’s to pay for a better arm than this one.” He doesn’t have to know about the other thing. He looks at it, in his seat, and they wave it a little. “It won’t bite.”

“I’ve never attempted to create prostheses before,” Garfield says, gently feeling their fingers, “but I’m sure with enough research, I could be able to make one even better than your arm now.”

They laugh. “Yeah, you probably could,” they say, and sigh and press their cheek to the cushion. “You never cease to amaze.” They watch him smooth his fur down again, through half-lidded eyes. “Do you think your bracer would recognize it as an arm?” They add, and then shake their head. “That was kind of stupid. This is a tube with fingers.”

He laughs. “I bet if I made a prosthesis, it’d be as good as a regular arm,” he says. “The bracer would surely recognize it.” Sam laughs too, and he gives them their hand back.

“So, you’re a monk,” Garfield says. “What order do you follow? Any interesting stories from the monastery? Tell me a nice story and I’ll tell you another, how’s that?”

“Sounds good,” they say, chuckling. He nods and checks the pot, and lets them relax for a moment while he brews some more tea. Sam waits, and starts to hum to themself. He comes back with a tea that’s sweet, milky, and smells faintly of anise. Sam sighs.

“I don’t know if this counts as a funny story,” they say, “But it’s pretty funny to look back on.”

They’d started climbing trees at a later age than most of the children at the monastery, and this one time it was into a tree with a bird’s nest. They don’t remember how long they’d sat there for, but when Flynn had called them down it was time for evening prayers. They’d been so surprised they’d fallen off the branch. Sam laughs. Egghead wakes up, and listens in.

They’d landed pretty well, things considered, but they’d probably planted their hand wrong. They’d thought it was a sprain, and hadn’t said anything. It’d gone into prayers, and then the evening meal, and then when they’d passed a jug someone had noticed their wrist was swollen. They’d found out it was broken when Flynn had dragged them to the infirmary. Sam laughs, and Garfield laughs too.

“Were you really the type to not have noticed?” Garfield says.

“I got such a scolding from that...” Sam says, rubbing their cheek. They blink at Garfield. “Oh, I- I thought it was a sprain, and this was well past the age most kids got large injuries? And they’d told me they couldn’t think through the pain, so...” Sam shrugs.

“Is that how you lost it?” Garfield says, and Sam goes still. No, that’s not how they lost it. They laugh.

“Oh, by the gods, no,” they say. “No, no. That came later. That counts as a separate story, though, I think.” The fire isn’t worth as much to Sam as the blood or Thundertree to Garfield, it would seem, but. A story for a story.

“Well, then, ask your next question?” Garfield says, and Sam tilts their head at him.

“The trade was a story for a question, not a story for a story? I can ask for that, I guess,” they say, shrugging, and add under their breath “and if I ever learn to hear about the static, I can ask around about  _ everything else. _

“So, what were you like as a child?” Sam says, and Garfield blinks. 

“How did you get into adventuring business?” Egghead says, and Garfield blinks at him too. “How did you find yourself fighting monsters and such?”

Garfield hums thoughtfully. “Why do most adventurers go on adventures?” he says. “I have to say, I was very attracted to the prize of being an adventurer. All the gold and the glory. I was a very naive kitten, you see.”

Sam presses their face into the pillow at the image of Garfield as a  _ kitten. _

“I would hear such tales of grandeur and epic adventures with friends, from adventurers who would pass through my town.” He smiles, looking back on it.

“That’s adorable, honestly,” Sam says, and laughs when he fluffs up again. “Though we probably got heavily- romanticized accounts of their adventures.”

“Haha. True,” Garfield says. “I guess my younger self wanted to be part of that. Wanted to meet friends I can trust with my life, and go on adventures with them. Of course, that’s not the case anymore. You grow up, see the reality of things, and move on.” Sam frowns a little, touching the back of his hand with the tips of their fingers before pulling away.

“The reality of things has been pretty exciting, as far as I’ve seen,” they say.

“There’s a fine line between that and getting into deadly situations.” Garfield smiles at them. “How about you, Egghead, would you like to share a story?”

They look at him; he’s fallen asleep again. He sits up with a shout, startling both Sam and Garfield. 

“I’m awake! I’m awake,” he says. “My apologies. Dragon flying little kids is tiring.” Sam laughs and puts their nearly-dropped cup on the table, and Garfield gets up and goes into another room. They hear rustling, and Sam watches where he left through, and he comes with a blanket. Sam relaxes, and he throws it at Egghead, and Egghead catches it.

“I’m not giving this to you,” he says. “You’re borrowing it. Understand?” Egghead unfurls it and snuggles in, and looks at Garfield and grins at him.

“Not if I lick it,” Egghead says, sticking his tongue out.

“Don’t you dare,” Garfield says, and Egghead grins at him and leans his tongue closer and closer to the blanket before laughing and pulling back. 

“Just kidding,” he says, wiggling. “Thank thee kindly.” The crackling magic around Garfield’s hand fades, and Sam sits back down on the couch and doesn’t tackle him.

“Hey Egghead,” they say. “What’s it smell like?”

“Cookies!” He grins at them, and they nod. “And… cat hair.” The two of them eye Garfield, who flicks his tail and goes over to them. Sam relaxes and laughs into the pillow.

“Yes, yes,” he says, pushing Egghead to lie down. “So, would  _ you _ like to share a story?”

“No?”

Garfield waves a hand and a twisted crown of jagged iron appears on Egghead’s brow, and his eyes glaze over. He points a glowing hand at Sam, when they shout, and they sit back down.

“Now, Egghead,” he says, joining Sam on the couch and having the temerity to look hurt when they scramble away from him and press themself against the arm of it. “Tell us a nice story about your past. It’s just a charm,” he adds, looking at Sam. “Nothing harmful, don’t worry. A little payback for messing with me and my blanket.”

“Nnnh,” Sam says, and moves back to sit properly from being practically perched on the arm.

“Do you want a good childhood story?” Egghead says.

“You can tell me whatever you want to,” Garfield says, voice gentle. “How do you know about the  ~~ void fish ~~ ?”

Egghead looks down at the blanket over his lap and pulls it up to his chest. He smells it again, and looks at them with blank eyes. “I remember my mother being the sun full of warmth.”

Egghead never knew his father, being the orc he was. But his mother- his mother was the sunlight and she made all the darkness go away. He remembers coming home crying after trying to play outside with the other kids; they had bullied him. But she had sat him down with her pie and taken his hand and nothing the kids had said had mattered; He was not wrong, and everything would be alright.

“Your mother sounds really nice,” Garfield says.

“My life, I try to do right by her.”

He waves his hand and the crown lights up and disappears; a tear rolls down Egghead’s face. Garfield looks apologetically at Sam and they turn their face away from him.

“From what I’ve seen so far, especially how you treated those children, she’d be proud,” Garfied says. “Would you want to know anything else?”

Egghead turns to Sam, blinking his eyes clear and smiling brightly at them.

“Little friend! What about you?” he says. “Why adventuring?”

Sam blinks. “What? Oh! Um...” The gold, the fire. Sam looks down at their lap before looking back at them, playing with their fingers. “At first it was for, ah, jewelry,” they say.

The work had been the kind of difficult that was engaging; putting things together over and over and over and over in a quiet room had been Sam’s place to shine. After they’d learned everything there was to learn at the monastery they’d been sent out with some others to learn new techniques. They’d come back, for a night, and then-

“And then I had to leave again the next day,” Sam says quietly, tapping their foot. They look at Garfield, and his face is unreadable. What they hadn’t said was Flynn had had to carry them to the next town. “Things happened, and now I’m adventuring to- to get a more dexterous arm. So I can go back to crafting.” It’ll mean somewhere to settle.

“Are you enjoying your adventure, so far?”

“That arm, is it magic?” Egghead says. “Can it move on its own?”

“I think so,” Sam says to Garfield. “I’ve met- ah.” Their ears turn red. “I’ve met a lot of interesting people, I can say much.” To Egghead, they say “Ah, no. I can’t afford that yet. Or- it moves a little, but it can’t grip very hard. But the fingers can lock in place.”

“Do not worry, little friend,” Egghead says, sitting up and giving Sam a thumbs-up. “I will help you! We shall find a good enchantment together!” He grins at Garfield expectantly.

“Nononono, I- that’s not-” Sam waves their hands, and then picks their cup back up to hide behind it. They glance at Garfield from that fortified bulwark. “You’d do that? With me?”

“I told Samson previously that I would look into making a better prosthesis,” Garfield says, smoothing the fur of his tail. “It… probably won’t be free, though.”

“Ohhh, no,” Sam says. “It’s fine. It’s fine.”

“I won’t ask for your blood, though. Gods, no.”

“I mean from the start I already made up my mind about how far I’ll go for this; you don’t have to- Ah. Ahaha. Yes.”

“I’m already at the losing end of this deal,” he says, a teasing lilt to his voice Sam doesn’t hear. THey frown and press their mouth to the rim of the cup.

“Sorry about that,” they say. Sam is about halfway to just grabbing a jar and a knife and telling him to keep the change. He gives them a mournful look.

“N- not at all,” Garfied says. “I didn’t mean anything bad-” he drags a hand down his face, and breathes deeply. “I’m afraid I don’t know what else to talk about.” 

Sam could give him some hints, but- no. Not tonight. They tap their feet, and drink some more tea. “Your. Ah. Parents? What were they like?”

“It’s hard to say,” Garfield says. “I hardly remember them, actually.”

Sam sighs. “Join the club.”

“Not that they were dead or anything. They were just too into their trade.”

“Is that just… a thing that happens? Who raised you?” 

Egghead snuggles down into the blanket, and yawns.

“Too into whatever they were doing to bother with a child.” He closes his eyes for a moment, tail swaying with the memory. “The village I was from was big, with lots of trees to climb around in. We were mostly forest catfolk. You can argue that I mostly raised myself.

“The people around the village took care of me, too, but my mind was hooked on the idea of adventure. I left the village too early, it seems. I was much too young, but I didn’t dare go back.”

“Why not?” They put the cup back on the tray, and pick the pillow back up to hug it.

“It was my pride that stopped me from doing so, mostly.” He clears his throat. “I- I’ve talked about myself for far too long,” he says, laughing. “My age is showing. Please excuse the ramblings of an old cat.” As if on cue, Egghead yawns again, and Garfield gets up and tucks him in. He smiles at Sam and takes the tea service to the kitchen, and comes back with two cups of warm water.

“I- I like listening to you,” Sam says. Garfield stops and keeps smiling at them, tail swishing. “I miss the- the monastery, but I- I’m learning now that there was a lot I was missing out on. None of the- nothing would’ve led me to expect this.”

Garfield laughs. “You never expected all of this?” he says, waving his hand at the room. “Well, you better get ready for even more fantastic things, my dear! There are a lot more wonders right in front of you.” A glowing purple hand appears and flicks them on the nose, and they blush and freeze. 

“I- ah-”

Garfield stifles a yawn, and pats them on the head. “It’s getting late,” he says, and they see it’s gotten dark outside. “You must be pretty tired as well.” He leaves them again, and Sam wonders if Sister Garaele will let them in if they knock at this hour. They wonder if they can lift Egghead, or if they should leave him here to- to Garfield’s tender mercies? They’re standing there between the couches when Garfield comes back with another blanket.

“Since your friend is asleep on the couch, I- ah- I don’t suggest you leave him with me,” he says, and looks at Sam. “You can take the other one.”

They put their bag down. “I could take him back?”

“Oh!”

“Oh!”

Garfield looks at Egghead, and then at Sam, and considers the weight. He shakes his head, and, slow, telegraphing his movements, takes their hand. He leads them back to the other couch and sits them down.

“Sorry I can’t offer you both a bed to sleep in, but the couches are very comfortable,” he says.

“A couch is honestly more than I was expecting.” 

He smiles at them, and brushes their hair from their forehead, and hands them a blanket. He takes some pillows, too, and puts them on the space beside Sam. 

“Thanks, for- mmm,” they say, gesturing at the pillows, and he laughs.

“Don’t mention it!” They pat the pillows contemplatively; they’re soft as air. “Now, was this a satisfactory date?” He pets them on the head, as they stammer, and dims the lamp as he leaves the room. They sit there on the couch for a while, thinking about things, until it’s time to take their things off. 

They go through the ritual of taking off their jewelry, and then their clothes, and then their leg and arm, and then they put their clothes back on because there’s no helping it. The jewelry goes in their bag; the prostheses on the table because the bag isn’t big enough. They lie down.

The pillows and the couch together feel like floating, back when they still swam. The blanket, oddly, smells at first of honey on toast and then lemons, and then as their breathing slows it smells of lavender. Warm milk. A toy, worn threadbare; a frightened child, sneaking into Sam’s bed to be soothed. When Sam sleeps, they don’t dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! If you're reading this, thank you for making it this far! I did this for nanowrimo 2019 and it was a fun experience revisiting the oldest game with fresh writes and two years of spoilers under my belt. We stopped playing here for personal reasons, but I have kept writing fic so stay tuned!


End file.
